By
Dr. Bruce A. Johnson
Do you look at your life now and wonder how you have ever reached this point in time? Do you examine your career and see nothing but failures? Are you approaching an age when many begin to think about retirement, yet you have not had a fulfilling job? Has your life and/or career been interrupted, perhaps more than once, with unforeseen circumstances? Or have you just begun your career and believe you have no idea what it is you are supposed to do in life and you feel a sense of wandering and aimlessness?
It would seem as if these are legitimate questions for any person to ask as part of a natural self-assessment phase in their life or career. Yet these commonly asked questions are based upon the essence of self-doubt and nothing more. The problem is not a life, career, or job not being fully realized. The problem is also not knowing where to start a career or job either. The heart of the issue is a failure to understand what the true purpose of life is all about.
A universal truth is this: Man is programmed to believe life occurs in one certain manner and this indoctrination occurs at birth, continues past infancy and into childhood through stories and books, and then confirmed through institutions such as religious, educational, and governmental. These institutions all reinforce the societal expectations and norms regarding right and wrong, good and bad behaviors, and how the path is established and to be followed for becoming a productive member of society.
People find they either fit in or they do not, and those who do not then find they are at odds with society in one way or another. But the idea of just living is not part of the societal plan. A person is expected to become something, have something, and claim they have accomplished something in their life.
When a person struggles with meeting that goal, what do they think? They often question themselves, cast self-doubt, start using blame, and seek guidance. Most who seek spiritual guidance believe they are living according to someone or some other being's plan, the supreme being who created all the universe and to this being they must pray. So if a person is not successful, logic dictates they must have done something wrong and must appease this supreme being who is likely mad or testing them for some unknown reason, withholding success from them for a greater purpose.
And so the praying, pleading, begging, and bargaining begins. It is done all in an attempt to catch the attention of a being who they believe is in control of their future and how it will play out. This person believes they have no control except to please this being and hope this supreme being will in turn grant them the life they want.
Think for a moment beyond what you have been taught if you can. Does your logical mind accept this type of reality? The reality that some being, unseen to humans, controls all of human life, dictates all their futures, and controls their outcomes?
To those who have awakened, to those who are enlightened, you know there is a being we are all connected to and it is an energy source. This energy source is the source of life. We are all made of energy. We are all part of an energy field. Energy is all around us now, unseen to the human eye. This perhaps is what many would want to call God.
Awaken to the Energy Source of Life
The energy Source of Life contains all the memories, knowledge, and wisdom of mankind. It is a Collective Consciousness consisting of positive and negative energy, just as the universe is made up of positive and negative energy. This energetic Source of Life does not control but instead is a living repository of information that all humans have access to. It is where humans originate and within it, new ideas are born, new physical forms are thought of and lives are planned, and it radiates the purest form of love.
The Collective Consciousness of Mankind flows to and through each human being, as signals received and transmitted through their brain. The mind is consciously aware of these signals as thoughts, ideas, aha moments, and instinct. It is what some would also refer to as a soul. This Collective Consciousness of Mankind does not control anything or anyone. It is an energetic repository and it is an energy core, which means it can sustain life. It can sustain the universe and all living things within it. The control is an individual basis, developed by each human through a plan or blueprint established prior to arriving in a physical form.
The information, insight, and wisdom available within this Collective Consciousness is accessible to all without restrictions. The only restrictions ever placed occur when someone doubts or closes their mind to their own ability to listen. When someone believes they can trust themselves, or rely upon themselves to find answers, then wisdom and insight can flow to and through them. This is important as anyone can access this knowledge to learn of their life and what lies ahead for them.
Learning About Your Life and Your Purpose
The most important aspect of establishing an understanding of your life, and what you are meant to do, is awakening to the realization your life is not tied to anyone else. This is especially important when you want to make comparisons to other people and what they have seemed to accomplish or gained that you have not yet achieved. Your place in life is not determined by society. Your life is not controlled by a supreme being who holds a master plan. This may seem troubling for some to read at first, but if you are reading this to begin with there is already something within you that is telling you there are greater truths available that you have yet to find.
What is expected of you as a human being can be summed up as follows: Live Your Life.
This is the only true way to experience life, by living it and experiencing it fully. If you feel a sense of failure, it is only because society wants everything a person does in their career, along with every job they have held, labeled as a success or failure. But even if you have a job and it "fails", does this mean you have failed to live your life in some manner? Are you not living your true purpose? The challenge for asking questions about having a purpose is that it sounds as if there must be something special or extraordinary accomplished with your life. In other words, you must succeed in everything you do. Every job and every task in your life must be a big win or big accomplishment.
But ask yourself this: Isn't it enough to do a good job and know you performed your best? Isn't it enough to know you lived your life as best you could each day?
Every person is living. Every person is experiencing life. But to just have a steady life with jobs, no jobs, ups, downs, successes, and failures, seems too ordinary for many people. To "do something with your life" means you have accomplished something extraordinary, and you likely live a certain lifestyle to show for it. You've built a career, climbed a corporate ladder, gained promotions, and acquired material possessions.
Learn the Secret to Life
Here is the secret to life: Your life's master plan requires no advanced planning on your part. What you have to do is accept your life now and listen for the wisdom, insight, and knowledge that is available to you through the power of your own mind. Your purpose is to live and experience life.
What can get in the way of fulfilling this goal of living in harmony with your own life? There are powerful internal and external forces which can disrupt your happiness. The first internal force is self-doubt or believing you have to be chasing after something. This is not to state that having goals is not useful. But to constantly wish for a future and then make comparisons to where you are now can be a destructive force. The opposite is true as well, when you are constantly looking back and remain stuck in past memories, reminding yourself of decisions made or not made, trying to understand why, and assessing the past, as if this can or will ever change it.
Another powerful interruption occurs whenever you give into doubt or despair, or turn control of your life over to the belief someone else is in charge. You will then find yourself stuck in a cycle of pain, frustration, and anxiety. This comes from the powerful external forces that want you to believe you are not in control of your future and must appease a supreme being in the hope you can have the life you want. When you remember you created this life and your life's plan is already set, you become resistant to those forces.
Welcome life as it is now. Your life is going to have bumps in the road so to speak, physical and emotional bruises, physical and emotional pain, joy and happiness, sorrows and loss, and so much more as part of daily living. This is part of being human. Yet this is not to say you are helpless either. You do have control as you have access to the wisdom of the Collective Consciousness of Mankind. As you learn to listen for this wisdom, you will know what actions to take and when.
You will know when you are following the right path and when to take action or make changes. You will soon discover that the need for measuring success and failure is not as important as it used to be as your fulfillment comes from a different source. It is personal fulfillment or living the life you have planned for yourself. This is how you can live your life with a sense of balance and well-being. No longer will you ask questions about where you have been or where you are going as you have established an internal sense of peace. This is what is means to discover and live your life's purpose.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/10047731
Showing posts with label emotions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label emotions. Show all posts
Thursday, 31 January 2019
Wednesday, 30 January 2019
You Want It More Than Anything Why Can't You Have It?
By
Joan Silva
Over the years I have wanted, desired, sought after and pursued so many ideas, endeavors, careers, things, and lifestyles that it's quite mind boggling.
Did I get most of them? Heck no.
Did I suffer or agonize over not having, getting, or achieving these things? Oh my gosh, yes!
There were times the angst over not getting what I thought I wanted would stay with me for months, if not years. They would flavor all that I did, color my decisions, and often stop me from something even better.
I would use the disappointment to hold me back or to convince myself to not even try.
I also used these painful experiences as lessons to learn and guidance to grow.
But, honestly, who the heck wants another growth opportunity? Can't life just be simple and easy?
What's up with the whole idea that we get itches we can never seem to scratch?
You want it more than anything
why can't you have it?
It's like that itch in the middle of your back that no matter how you twist or turn, you can't reach to scratch it.
It plagues you. Wakes you from a dead sleep. Drives you simply batty.
Where is that dang back scratcher tool when you need it?
And, just like that itch you can't reach, many wants and desires in life never get scratched.
It seems, don't you think, if we want it bad enough, somehow we'd find a way to have it. After all, we are creative human beings with tremendous talents and connections.
Yet, many things in life go unfulfilled and not attained. Or, if achieved, they suddenly are not satisfying.
I know! Frustrating and maddening, sometimes depressing, isn't it?
But, are we meant to have everything we desire, want, or go after?
I think not.
Let's use cravings as an example.
I swear my body wants Cheetos. You know, those orange, disgustingly gross snacks that somehow you can't stop at just a handful? You open the bag and before you can say, I think I've had enough, the bag is empty.
You did say you wanted them, remember? You wanted them bad enough that you hauled your butt into the car, drove to the store and bought them. And, then you ate them.
So, you got what you wanted, right? Indeed you did. And, yet, was it truly a want that was wise to fulfill?
A good friend of mine said the other day that she was learning to trust her body and its messages -- to discern emotional messages (Must have Cheetos now or my life is over!) from body messages (eGads, Cheetos, you've got to be kidding, ick!).
Just like those cravings, we must learn to discern the difference between healthy and not so healthy ones.
Not so easy, is it? The voice that WANTS is loud and insistent. It nags at and pulls on you like a whining child in a grocery story who demands candy! It refuses to budge until you satisfy it. In fact, it'll throw itself on the floor and kick and scream.
Most of us would either satisfy the child or simply step over them and keep on shopping!
What if there was another way? What if you were to be kind to it, acknowledge its deep desire, and sit quietly with it?
In other words, love it. Because it, too, has a deep message for you. Push aside the temper tantrum and notice what the deeper meaning is in the unfulfilled desire. Give it a hug...
And, walk away.
Not all things we desire are meant to be had. Many are just stepping stones to the real thing we are meant to have.
Maybe, just maybe, they are there for only one purpose -- to bring enjoyment to our human journey, our earthly road trip.
No road map needed or available.
From Clutter to Tidy Strategy Session One Focus at a time Let's work on that together • Single session focus - 30 minutes • Get clarity on your a single area • Establish a plan of action • Support and accountability • Face-to-face session via Zoom • Only $49 No matter what you desire to master, make 2018 be the year you say YES to it and stick to it until success.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/10002101
Over the years I have wanted, desired, sought after and pursued so many ideas, endeavors, careers, things, and lifestyles that it's quite mind boggling.
Did I get most of them? Heck no.
Did I suffer or agonize over not having, getting, or achieving these things? Oh my gosh, yes!
There were times the angst over not getting what I thought I wanted would stay with me for months, if not years. They would flavor all that I did, color my decisions, and often stop me from something even better.
I would use the disappointment to hold me back or to convince myself to not even try.
I also used these painful experiences as lessons to learn and guidance to grow.
But, honestly, who the heck wants another growth opportunity? Can't life just be simple and easy?
What's up with the whole idea that we get itches we can never seem to scratch?
You want it more than anything
why can't you have it?
It's like that itch in the middle of your back that no matter how you twist or turn, you can't reach to scratch it.
It plagues you. Wakes you from a dead sleep. Drives you simply batty.
Where is that dang back scratcher tool when you need it?
And, just like that itch you can't reach, many wants and desires in life never get scratched.
It seems, don't you think, if we want it bad enough, somehow we'd find a way to have it. After all, we are creative human beings with tremendous talents and connections.
Yet, many things in life go unfulfilled and not attained. Or, if achieved, they suddenly are not satisfying.
I know! Frustrating and maddening, sometimes depressing, isn't it?
But, are we meant to have everything we desire, want, or go after?
I think not.
Let's use cravings as an example.
I swear my body wants Cheetos. You know, those orange, disgustingly gross snacks that somehow you can't stop at just a handful? You open the bag and before you can say, I think I've had enough, the bag is empty.
You did say you wanted them, remember? You wanted them bad enough that you hauled your butt into the car, drove to the store and bought them. And, then you ate them.
So, you got what you wanted, right? Indeed you did. And, yet, was it truly a want that was wise to fulfill?
A good friend of mine said the other day that she was learning to trust her body and its messages -- to discern emotional messages (Must have Cheetos now or my life is over!) from body messages (eGads, Cheetos, you've got to be kidding, ick!).
Just like those cravings, we must learn to discern the difference between healthy and not so healthy ones.
Not so easy, is it? The voice that WANTS is loud and insistent. It nags at and pulls on you like a whining child in a grocery story who demands candy! It refuses to budge until you satisfy it. In fact, it'll throw itself on the floor and kick and scream.
Most of us would either satisfy the child or simply step over them and keep on shopping!
What if there was another way? What if you were to be kind to it, acknowledge its deep desire, and sit quietly with it?
In other words, love it. Because it, too, has a deep message for you. Push aside the temper tantrum and notice what the deeper meaning is in the unfulfilled desire. Give it a hug...
And, walk away.
Not all things we desire are meant to be had. Many are just stepping stones to the real thing we are meant to have.
Maybe, just maybe, they are there for only one purpose -- to bring enjoyment to our human journey, our earthly road trip.
No road map needed or available.
From Clutter to Tidy Strategy Session One Focus at a time Let's work on that together • Single session focus - 30 minutes • Get clarity on your a single area • Establish a plan of action • Support and accountability • Face-to-face session via Zoom • Only $49 No matter what you desire to master, make 2018 be the year you say YES to it and stick to it until success.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/10002101
Friday, 25 January 2019
Thursday, 24 January 2019
Wednesday, 23 January 2019
Sunday, 2 December 2018
Wisdom From the Universe: Finding Transformation, Acceptance, and Love
By Dr. Bruce A. Johnson
Do you find that you are accepted by all of society? Are you someone who fits in and is loved for who you are? Or do you constantly struggle and live with internal turmoil?
Within society there is division. People are not always viewed just as people. They are divided by race, class, status, income, culture, appearance, location, political affiliation, sexual orientation, and so many other factors. There are stereotypes, genders, the "haves and have nots", those who are viewed as normal and those who are the outcasts, and the list continues. When people are viewed as different from one another in society, this sense of division creates tension among groups and can escalate to the point that clashes become stunning headlines on the news.
Then religions insert dictates of morals based upon a sacred text that is never allowed to be questioned, even though the basis of the text itself is a highly edited and outdated set of documents that was cobbled together to control groups of people in a different time period, making much of it irrelevant for human existence today. Without that sacred book religious leaders would not have justification for the division their dogma creates. Religious affiliation furthers intensifies the divide among people in society, especially when it is used to justify hatred, exclusion, intolerance, and mistreatment towards any other human beings.
Every human being is connected to the Collective Consciousness of Mankind through the power of their mind, which is a transmitter and receiver. When anyone or any institution attempts to dictate how any person is to feel about their connection to this Source of Life Energy, and the wisdom that is naturally available to them at any time, it is meant to do so for the purpose of control, exclusion, and division. If a person allows this to happen, to believe they are excluded from "God's love" or "Source" or "the Universe" or similar phrasing, this creates a mental barrier which in turn cuts off the flow of wisdom from the Collective Consciousness or Source of Life Energy.
With the feeling of exclusion so ever present in society for so many individuals, it can be challenging for some to feel as if they fit in or belong, as the definition of normal is so narrowly established. In fact, normal can vary from one competing group to another. Anyone who does not fit into the right set of categories and classifications may soon find themselves feeling as if they are sitting on the sidelines, excluded from the benefits afforded to those deemed perfect, normal, and acceptable.
The option for anyone who does not fit in is to join in with in with "normal" society, if it can be determined how to properly convert, change, give in, adapt, and then be willing to deny any or all of who they are. Some people will attempt to convert or hide their true identity in order to avoid their true nature being "found out" by society. But this risk of exposure can weigh heavy on the person's mind and heart. Many will eventually reach a point in their life when they come out of hiding and reveal who they truly are and for once feel a sense of freedom, realizing that there is no real "normal" in life. Others who find themselves to be outcasts may remain on the fringe and live the role of the person who is always "less than" according to society, always out of the reach of the best that society can offer to those who are accepted. But there is always a sense of conflict that will reside within, whether it is acknowledged or not.
An alternative to giving in or giving up, to resolve the internal conflict felt, is to find personal transformation and acceptance from within, through a connection to the Collective Consciousness of Mankind, and love from the Source of Life Energy.
A universal truth is this: The essence of all life is energy and as energetic beings there is no separation, no division, and no sense of not belonging. All of humans are connected to the Source of Life Energy and through this connection it is possible to receive and transmit information to and from the Collective Consciousness of Mankind. An energetic being is a pure, positive state of happiness and love, balanced by a flow of unhappiness that is negative energy.
It is the duality which creates all of life, including all of the universe. But the pure essence of a human is the energy that makes up the living body, a glowing field of moving particles unseen to the eye, directing bodily functions and sustaining necessary organs. This energy source knows no sense of division or categorization and it flows the same to every living being without any need for approval.
To understand the essence of a human is to know the real you, or the living part of your body. You may be focused on the exterior of your human body and how you fit in with others around you, yet what creates the person who is you is born from the life essence within you. It comprises the heart of your being, from which your characteristics and qualities emerge, along with your personality, talents, and skills.
Being a Target of Society
It is possible to have the seemingly perfect exterior, with a feeling you fit in with the popular groups, but your interior self is filled full of turmoil as you are so caught up on appearances you forgot to pay attention to how you feel inside. It can be easy to get fixated on trying to fit in, conform, adapt, or even hide, especially if you are a target of verbal attacks, bullying, abuse, or anything else derogatory in nature. Often this happens to young children when they are perceived as different and it may follow them into their adulthood. The longer this turmoil goes on, the worse a person feels about their ability to belong as a contributing member of society.
Being on the fringe of society, the outcast, the one who doesn't fit in, the loner, or the person who exhibits any quality or characteristic deemed unacceptable, unnatural, or unnormal can be stressful. It can lead to mental health issues and worse. Rarely does someone who fails to fit in find complete happiness in life or a feeling of being loved for who they are as a person, unless they find someone who is of a similar nature and can relate to their outer struggle and still see the inner qualities they possess. For many, they may even find themselves resorting to self-denial, even trying to hide, in an attempt to blend in with society.
Many believe that the passage of rights and laws will change how society behaves towards those who are marked different. But equality laws do not change how religious institutions treat those of a sexual orientation deemed abnormal and never will. Workplace rights will never change how employees treat those who are overweight. Civil rights will never completely erase the racial tensions in this country. A person who is seeking peace must not look to the laws to find it. They must look within.
Learn About Personal Transformation
The good news is that transformation can occur at any point in time and for anyone. For those who have been victimized, traumatized, and even hospitalized, the healing and reform will take time. For those who experience daily abuse, threats, harassment, taunting, or bullying, this is not to state this will stop that behavior. But transformation begins by refusing to listen to those who want to harm you. You don't listen to religious leaders who try to define groups or twist words from an outdated text to harm you.
You do not allow words of others to determine your status, worth, or place in society. It may sound like something that is too easy to believe, but a turning point has to begin in your life if you want change to begin and it has to start with you. It has to start with you tuning out the sound of the people who are influencing you and telling you who you are. Only you know who you are and only you get to decide what to believe. No one else.
Transformation continues when you accept yourself as a perfect human being. There are no mistakes. You designed this life and you planned it before you came. You do not have to accept or believe that now. You only need to believe what resonates with your inner being at this time. You are a perfectly balanced energetic being who is connected to the greatest source of knowledge and wisdom.
Acceptance comes from you, not from others. If you like yourself, you will feel better, even if you are being bullied. You must accept that you are who you are, without hiding or denying, along with how you look, is worthy of love. Every human being is worthy of love, without condition. It comes from the Source of Life Energy, the purest form of love. But you as a person need to accept your worthiness even if you see what you believe to be flaws or imperfections.
When you do, when you accept your own worthiness, you open the mental pathway to receive pure energetic strength, perseverance, support, and love from the Collective Consciousness of Mankind. This is a transformative experience, to shield yourself from the talk of others and instead focus on acceptance of yourself. You will find you are drawing upon an internal source of strength you never knew you had before and that is your energetic connection growing strong.
You need never feel separated or divided from life. Look within when others would have you focus on your exterior and there you will find your true source of power. You are accepted and loved by the Source of Life, the energy of life which is flowing to you and through you, the purest form of love available. As you draw upon this love and this source of power, you will no longer be concerned about where to fit in or how to adapt to a highly divided society. You will learn to find your own way and follow your own path. You will live your true destiny and in time, develop a lasting sense of peace.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/10040423
Saturday, 1 December 2018
Letting Go Of The Fear And Trusting Again After A Serious Heartbreak
By Rosemarie Sumalinog Gonzales
At some point of our lives, we experience hurt that we fear to trust again. Our fear of betrayal. Take baby steps day by day to become open and trusting within the very little things. The more we think over our past heartbreak, the more it lingers in our hearts. But if we just let it go naturally, our pain will heal naturally and will barely leave a scar.
We trust somebody in terms of perceiving that in spite of appearance they're decent persons with good intentions and with integrity. However, look can be very deceiving. Our previous experience affect our current relationship if we let our negative experiences destroy our reserve until such time when we become open enough to be vulnerable and trust once more.
We appreciate that every now and then things are going to be powerful. That's life and that we are going to be tested. However, keep in mind that our emotional heartbreak is not the end of the world. We need to let go of the past and move on forward. Our past won't define our future. It does not mean that if we are hurt in the past, we will also have a similar experience in the future. In other words, we've been hurt once doesn't mean that it's likely to happen once more.
What you pay most of it slow wondering becomes your reality... the very fact that it's laborious to trust someone? If it keeps happening to you, stop and reflect where did you go wrong, Love yourself foremost. When we love ourselves, it begets love. Knowing that no matter what happens we need to bounce back from our failures. That what resilient people do.
Yes, in fact we're invariably stricken by rejection because it happens as a part of life. We have a tendency to didn't get what we wished. But what's important, to learn from that negative experience to prevent us falling taken with once more.
Use rejection as a springboard to search out more about yourself, what you learned, why you are feeling the method you are doing, what you're permitting to urge within the method, wherever you're maybe sabotaging yourself. Use it to explore your values and what you actually wish in life.
Learning to trust somebody once more once is very troublesome... however, it's not possible.Your past doesn't equal your future. I learned this idea from the people I met in my field of work from different walks of life. It's not because we've been hurt within the past doesn't suggest we will get hurt once more.
So, let go of your fears and start trusting once more. This is actually the key to make a relationship work. No two people are the same. Just trust in your own judgment. However, if you retain distrusting yourself, you may keep distrusting others, that creates a positive feedback.
Part of building your confidence is to seem once yourself and understand that simply because you understand that somebody has done one thing nasty to you, you'll be okay. You'll cope on your own.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/9992831
At some point of our lives, we experience hurt that we fear to trust again. Our fear of betrayal. Take baby steps day by day to become open and trusting within the very little things. The more we think over our past heartbreak, the more it lingers in our hearts. But if we just let it go naturally, our pain will heal naturally and will barely leave a scar.
We trust somebody in terms of perceiving that in spite of appearance they're decent persons with good intentions and with integrity. However, look can be very deceiving. Our previous experience affect our current relationship if we let our negative experiences destroy our reserve until such time when we become open enough to be vulnerable and trust once more.
We appreciate that every now and then things are going to be powerful. That's life and that we are going to be tested. However, keep in mind that our emotional heartbreak is not the end of the world. We need to let go of the past and move on forward. Our past won't define our future. It does not mean that if we are hurt in the past, we will also have a similar experience in the future. In other words, we've been hurt once doesn't mean that it's likely to happen once more.
What you pay most of it slow wondering becomes your reality... the very fact that it's laborious to trust someone? If it keeps happening to you, stop and reflect where did you go wrong, Love yourself foremost. When we love ourselves, it begets love. Knowing that no matter what happens we need to bounce back from our failures. That what resilient people do.
Yes, in fact we're invariably stricken by rejection because it happens as a part of life. We have a tendency to didn't get what we wished. But what's important, to learn from that negative experience to prevent us falling taken with once more.
Use rejection as a springboard to search out more about yourself, what you learned, why you are feeling the method you are doing, what you're permitting to urge within the method, wherever you're maybe sabotaging yourself. Use it to explore your values and what you actually wish in life.
Learning to trust somebody once more once is very troublesome... however, it's not possible.Your past doesn't equal your future. I learned this idea from the people I met in my field of work from different walks of life. It's not because we've been hurt within the past doesn't suggest we will get hurt once more.
So, let go of your fears and start trusting once more. This is actually the key to make a relationship work. No two people are the same. Just trust in your own judgment. However, if you retain distrusting yourself, you may keep distrusting others, that creates a positive feedback.
Part of building your confidence is to seem once yourself and understand that simply because you understand that somebody has done one thing nasty to you, you'll be okay. You'll cope on your own.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/9992831
Friday, 30 November 2018
Success: Why Do Some People Sabotage Their Own Success?
By Oliver JR Cooper
When someone holds themselves back in life, there are at least two things that can take place. If one is not aware of the fact that they are holding themselves back, they can come to see themselves as a victim.
On the other hand, if one is aware of the fact that they are the ones who are holding themselves back, they will be able to take a deeper look into why this is. By taking this approach, they will be able to liberate themselves over time.
The First Outcome
If someone is not aware of why they are holding themselves back, and is only aware of what they have been doing to move forward in life, they could believe that there is no way that they are playing a part in all this. One could reflect on some of the things that they have done over the years, seeing how hard they have worked.
Perhaps they get up in the early hours most days and only go to bed once they have ticked off everything that they needed to do. There will then be absolutely no doubt about how committed they are to their own growth.
Plenty of Evidence
Along with what they generally do on each day of their life, there can be all the courses that they have been on. They may go on a few courses a year, or maybe they go on at least one course a month.
In addition to this, there can be all the books that they have read on success and achievement. As far as they are concerned, every part of them will want to move forward and to go to the next level.
An Indivisible Barrier
But, no matter what they do to move forward, they will find that they can only get so far. Now, there may be times when they are able to make a breakthrough, but before long, they may soon return to where they were.
It is then going to be a case of one or two steps forward and one or two steps back. When this happens, one could come to believe that a certain person or a certain group of people are holding them back.
More Force
Their mental and emotional state could radically change after one of these moments, only for them to rise up again shortly after; this will then prove how resilient they are. This is also likely to show that one will be using a lot of willpower.
Living in this way is most likely going to cause them to experience a fair amount of pressure, pressure that could knock them down from time to time. If another person was to suggest that they may be the ones who are holding themselves back, one may end up being consumed by anger or find what has been said amusing.
One Direction
One could believe that this person doesn't know what they are talking about, seeing them as someone who just wants to pull them down or hasn't got a clue what they are talking about. One will be out there working hard, not waiting for anything to fall into their lap.
What could make it ever harder for them to handle what is going on is if they come across someone who is making clear progress, even though they don't appear to be working very hard. It may seem as though someone like this has something that they themselves don't have.
One Solution
During times like these, one may believe that this shows that they need to try another approach. Nonetheless, what they may find is that changing their approach doesn't really do anything.
One of the things that they may have learned at one point in time was that they were being held back by low self-esteem. Yet, even after they had worked on this, their life still didn't change.
A Closer Look
Due to how they experience life, there are likely to be a number of negative feelings that they are used to experiencing - that is, of course, if they don't have the tendency to repress these feelings. They can feel powerless, helpless, hopeless, trapped, and worthless during the moments when they reflect on how they life is or if they experience a setback.
One way of looking at this would be to say that they only experience these feelings because of what in taking place in their life. Thus, if their life was to change, they would no longer experience these feelings.
Emotionally Attached
Another way of looking at this would be to say that feelings these feelings is what feels comfortable. And, only does it feel comfortable, these feelings are a big part of their identity.
Clearly, feeling this way is not what feels comfortable at a conscious level; yet, unconsciously, feeling this way can be familiar and, therefore, what feels safe. Taking this into account, their conscious mind will want something that is seen as threat to their unconscious mind, which is why it is so hard for them to change their life.
One Need
The reason why feeling this way feels comfortable can be the result of what took place at the beginning of their life. This may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected, for instance.
​
Feeling this way would have gradually become what felt comfortable and these feelings have become part of their identity. The trouble is that as the years passed, different defences would have been put in place, causing one to gradually lose touch with the information that would allow them to realise why they sabotage their own life.
Awareness
What this emphasises is how important self-awareness and self-knowledge is when it comes to being able to grow and develop. When one doesn't have self-awareness and self-knowledge, it will be perfectly normal for them to feel like a victim.
If one can see that they are the ones who are holding themselves back, they may need to reach out for external support. This can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
Teacher, prolific writer, author, and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over one thousand nine hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/10037162
When someone holds themselves back in life, there are at least two things that can take place. If one is not aware of the fact that they are holding themselves back, they can come to see themselves as a victim.
On the other hand, if one is aware of the fact that they are the ones who are holding themselves back, they will be able to take a deeper look into why this is. By taking this approach, they will be able to liberate themselves over time.
The First Outcome
If someone is not aware of why they are holding themselves back, and is only aware of what they have been doing to move forward in life, they could believe that there is no way that they are playing a part in all this. One could reflect on some of the things that they have done over the years, seeing how hard they have worked.
Perhaps they get up in the early hours most days and only go to bed once they have ticked off everything that they needed to do. There will then be absolutely no doubt about how committed they are to their own growth.
Plenty of Evidence
Along with what they generally do on each day of their life, there can be all the courses that they have been on. They may go on a few courses a year, or maybe they go on at least one course a month.
In addition to this, there can be all the books that they have read on success and achievement. As far as they are concerned, every part of them will want to move forward and to go to the next level.
An Indivisible Barrier
But, no matter what they do to move forward, they will find that they can only get so far. Now, there may be times when they are able to make a breakthrough, but before long, they may soon return to where they were.
It is then going to be a case of one or two steps forward and one or two steps back. When this happens, one could come to believe that a certain person or a certain group of people are holding them back.
More Force
Their mental and emotional state could radically change after one of these moments, only for them to rise up again shortly after; this will then prove how resilient they are. This is also likely to show that one will be using a lot of willpower.
Living in this way is most likely going to cause them to experience a fair amount of pressure, pressure that could knock them down from time to time. If another person was to suggest that they may be the ones who are holding themselves back, one may end up being consumed by anger or find what has been said amusing.
One Direction
One could believe that this person doesn't know what they are talking about, seeing them as someone who just wants to pull them down or hasn't got a clue what they are talking about. One will be out there working hard, not waiting for anything to fall into their lap.
What could make it ever harder for them to handle what is going on is if they come across someone who is making clear progress, even though they don't appear to be working very hard. It may seem as though someone like this has something that they themselves don't have.
One Solution
During times like these, one may believe that this shows that they need to try another approach. Nonetheless, what they may find is that changing their approach doesn't really do anything.
One of the things that they may have learned at one point in time was that they were being held back by low self-esteem. Yet, even after they had worked on this, their life still didn't change.
A Closer Look
Due to how they experience life, there are likely to be a number of negative feelings that they are used to experiencing - that is, of course, if they don't have the tendency to repress these feelings. They can feel powerless, helpless, hopeless, trapped, and worthless during the moments when they reflect on how they life is or if they experience a setback.
One way of looking at this would be to say that they only experience these feelings because of what in taking place in their life. Thus, if their life was to change, they would no longer experience these feelings.
Emotionally Attached
Another way of looking at this would be to say that feelings these feelings is what feels comfortable. And, only does it feel comfortable, these feelings are a big part of their identity.
Clearly, feeling this way is not what feels comfortable at a conscious level; yet, unconsciously, feeling this way can be familiar and, therefore, what feels safe. Taking this into account, their conscious mind will want something that is seen as threat to their unconscious mind, which is why it is so hard for them to change their life.
One Need
The reason why feeling this way feels comfortable can be the result of what took place at the beginning of their life. This may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected, for instance.
​
Feeling this way would have gradually become what felt comfortable and these feelings have become part of their identity. The trouble is that as the years passed, different defences would have been put in place, causing one to gradually lose touch with the information that would allow them to realise why they sabotage their own life.
Awareness
What this emphasises is how important self-awareness and self-knowledge is when it comes to being able to grow and develop. When one doesn't have self-awareness and self-knowledge, it will be perfectly normal for them to feel like a victim.
If one can see that they are the ones who are holding themselves back, they may need to reach out for external support. This can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
Teacher, prolific writer, author, and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over one thousand nine hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/10037162
Thursday, 29 November 2018
Anger: Do Some People Use Anger To Avoid How They Feel?
By Oliver JR Cooper
There are people in today's world who have trouble with their anger, with this being something that has taken over their life. But, while there are people like this who reach out for support, there are others who don't.
If someone in this position was to reach out for assistance and ended up changing their behaviour, it would make their life a lot easier. Through doing this, it would also mean that the people in their life would no longer need to experience this behaviour.
A Force for Good
It will then be a lot easier for the people in their life to settle down and to relax in their presence. In the past, some of the people in their life may have been on edge, in preparation for their next outburst.
If there were people in their life who have kept their distance, some of these people might be more receptive to them. Ones health is also likely to benefit from them being able to keep their cool, as opposed to getting worked up so often.
Business as Usual
If someone in this position doesn't reach out for support, their life will continue to go down the same trajectory. The people in their life will also continue to be on the receiving end up their outbursts.
Yet, although some of these people will stay around, they may find that as time goes by, a number of people cut their ties with them. This will be a way for these people to look after their own wellbeing, and it can be a way for them to encourage one to change their behaviour.
How So?
Some of the people can believe that if one notices what is taking place, it might finally become clear to them how destructive their behaviour is. Telling this person directly won't have worked, so maybe an indirect approach will work.
It then won't be direct, but there is the chance that it will have more of an effect on one than simple staying around them, hoping that they will change. Another person could believe that staying around them is just validating their behaviour; whereas cutting their ties will send them a clear message.
A Mountain Out of Mole Hill
During the moments when one gets angry, it could be something that takes place when something doesn't go as expected or if someone tells them that they haven't done something right. Straight after this, or shortly after, they could become consumed with anger.
Their ability to behave in a rational manner is then going to disappear, with them coming across as though they have absolutely no-self control. One minute they can be clam and then next minute they can explode.
One Angle
One way of looking at this would be to say that this shows that they are somewhat of a perfectionist. Out of their need to get everything right and to do their best, it is a real shock to their system when something isn't in alignment with their high standards.
Not meeting their high standards then causes them to feel angry about how they have fallen short. If this is the case, it will be vital for them to realise that it is not possible for them to get everything right.
Anger Management
But, regardless of whether one can relate to this or not, they may be told that they need to learn how to manage their anger. Thus, in the same way that someone who is overweight will need to manage their hunger pangs, one will need to regain control of their anger.
One could then end up going down the behavioural therapy route, focusing on the thoughts that they have before they get angry. By no longer getting caught up in these thoughts and breathing deeply, for instance, their behaviour may gradually change.
A Band-Aid
However, while this person's anger could be seen as the real problem, it could be said that their anger is just a defence. What they may find, that's if they were to put their anger to one side, is that they feel worthless and helpless, amongst other things.
Therefore, if they no longer felt worthless deep down, they would no longer need to use this defence. With this in mind, focusing purely on their anger is not going to resolve the real issue - the only thing it will do is manage a symptom.
A Closer Look
When one is out of touch with how they feel at a deeper level, and is only aware of how they feel at a surface level, they can create the impression that they don't want to feel worthless. This is then why they are getting angry when something doesn't go as expected or when they do something wrong, for instance.
Even so, although they are consciously trying to resist how they feel deep down by getting angry, they are unconsciously attached to feeling worthless. So, if one is only aware of what is going on at the first level, they can deceive themselves into believing that they are not attached to what is taking place deep down.
A Big Part of Them
At a deeper level, feeling worthless and helpless, amongst other things, will be what is familiar and, therefore, what feels safe. Feeling this way will be a big part of their identity.
If they were not emotionally attached to feeling this way, they would have no reason to get so worked up. Getting angry can be seen as a sign that they don't want to feel bad, when in reality; it is a sign that this is what feels comfortable.
Self-Knowledge
What this illustrates is that there is what is taking place consciously and what is taking place at a deeper level (or unconsciously), and, without this understanding, it can create all kinds of difficulties. There is a strong chance that they felt worthless and helpless during their early years, and that this gradually become what felt comfortable as time went by.
But as the years passed, they would have ended up losing touch with what took place. Different defences would have built up over the years, disconnecting them from themselves in the process.
Awareness
If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
Teacher, prolific writer, author, and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over one thousand nine hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/10037336
There are people in today's world who have trouble with their anger, with this being something that has taken over their life. But, while there are people like this who reach out for support, there are others who don't.
If someone in this position was to reach out for assistance and ended up changing their behaviour, it would make their life a lot easier. Through doing this, it would also mean that the people in their life would no longer need to experience this behaviour.
A Force for Good
It will then be a lot easier for the people in their life to settle down and to relax in their presence. In the past, some of the people in their life may have been on edge, in preparation for their next outburst.
If there were people in their life who have kept their distance, some of these people might be more receptive to them. Ones health is also likely to benefit from them being able to keep their cool, as opposed to getting worked up so often.
Business as Usual
If someone in this position doesn't reach out for support, their life will continue to go down the same trajectory. The people in their life will also continue to be on the receiving end up their outbursts.
Yet, although some of these people will stay around, they may find that as time goes by, a number of people cut their ties with them. This will be a way for these people to look after their own wellbeing, and it can be a way for them to encourage one to change their behaviour.
How So?
Some of the people can believe that if one notices what is taking place, it might finally become clear to them how destructive their behaviour is. Telling this person directly won't have worked, so maybe an indirect approach will work.
It then won't be direct, but there is the chance that it will have more of an effect on one than simple staying around them, hoping that they will change. Another person could believe that staying around them is just validating their behaviour; whereas cutting their ties will send them a clear message.
A Mountain Out of Mole Hill
During the moments when one gets angry, it could be something that takes place when something doesn't go as expected or if someone tells them that they haven't done something right. Straight after this, or shortly after, they could become consumed with anger.
Their ability to behave in a rational manner is then going to disappear, with them coming across as though they have absolutely no-self control. One minute they can be clam and then next minute they can explode.
One Angle
One way of looking at this would be to say that this shows that they are somewhat of a perfectionist. Out of their need to get everything right and to do their best, it is a real shock to their system when something isn't in alignment with their high standards.
Not meeting their high standards then causes them to feel angry about how they have fallen short. If this is the case, it will be vital for them to realise that it is not possible for them to get everything right.
Anger Management
But, regardless of whether one can relate to this or not, they may be told that they need to learn how to manage their anger. Thus, in the same way that someone who is overweight will need to manage their hunger pangs, one will need to regain control of their anger.
One could then end up going down the behavioural therapy route, focusing on the thoughts that they have before they get angry. By no longer getting caught up in these thoughts and breathing deeply, for instance, their behaviour may gradually change.
A Band-Aid
However, while this person's anger could be seen as the real problem, it could be said that their anger is just a defence. What they may find, that's if they were to put their anger to one side, is that they feel worthless and helpless, amongst other things.
Therefore, if they no longer felt worthless deep down, they would no longer need to use this defence. With this in mind, focusing purely on their anger is not going to resolve the real issue - the only thing it will do is manage a symptom.
A Closer Look
When one is out of touch with how they feel at a deeper level, and is only aware of how they feel at a surface level, they can create the impression that they don't want to feel worthless. This is then why they are getting angry when something doesn't go as expected or when they do something wrong, for instance.
Even so, although they are consciously trying to resist how they feel deep down by getting angry, they are unconsciously attached to feeling worthless. So, if one is only aware of what is going on at the first level, they can deceive themselves into believing that they are not attached to what is taking place deep down.
A Big Part of Them
At a deeper level, feeling worthless and helpless, amongst other things, will be what is familiar and, therefore, what feels safe. Feeling this way will be a big part of their identity.
If they were not emotionally attached to feeling this way, they would have no reason to get so worked up. Getting angry can be seen as a sign that they don't want to feel bad, when in reality; it is a sign that this is what feels comfortable.
Self-Knowledge
What this illustrates is that there is what is taking place consciously and what is taking place at a deeper level (or unconsciously), and, without this understanding, it can create all kinds of difficulties. There is a strong chance that they felt worthless and helpless during their early years, and that this gradually become what felt comfortable as time went by.
But as the years passed, they would have ended up losing touch with what took place. Different defences would have built up over the years, disconnecting them from themselves in the process.
Awareness
If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
Teacher, prolific writer, author, and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over one thousand nine hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/10037336
Wednesday, 28 November 2018
Victim Mentality: Are Some People Addicted To Feeling Like A Victim?
By Oliver JR Cooper
If someone sees themselves as an empowered human being, it means that they won't have a victim mentality. Likewise, if someone has a victim mentality, they won't see themselves as an empowered human being.
What this illustrates is that one can't be both; they are either one or the other. At the same time, even if one does see themselves as an empowered human being, it doesn't mean that they won't feel like a victim from time to time.
Back On Track
For example, something could take place in their life that wipes them out, with them feeling as though the world is against them. Still, it might not be long until they come to their senses and realise that this is not the case.
One could see this as just their mind playing tricks on them, and, as they are feeling a bit under the weather, it will have been easier for their mind to exert its influence. Like an intruder, it will have noticed an opening and pounced.
A Choice
Generally, they are going to believe that they are someone who has control over their life. There will be what they can do and there will be how they can respond to what happens to them.
In other words, even if one can't do anything to change something, they still have control over what takes place in their own head. This will stop them from getting sucked into things that are out of their control.
Emotional Experience
One may find that they have the tendency to feel not only empowered, but to also feel capable, at peace, connected, and grateful. Being thankful for what they have, as opposed to getting worked up about what they don't have or what is not going their way, will undoubtedly have a positive effect on their wellbeing.
It will also be a lot easier for other people to be around them; whereas if they had an entitlement mentality, it would be a different story. Their energy will be far more appealing to others as a result.
A Fulfilling Existence
Another benefit of living in this way is that one is going to have the right mentality to meet their needs and to achieve their goals. When it comes to their career, for instance, they may be doing something that is deeply rewarding.
This area of their like could be backed up by the relationships that they have with other people, with them having a number of people in their life who they can be themselves around. They may also be in intimate relationship with someone who they appreciate, or have been with someone like this not too long ago.
Another Reality
So, when someone has a victim mentality, it is not going to be possible for them to feel like an empowered human being. Or, if they do end up feeling empowered, it won't be long until they return to how they usually feel.
​
In their eyes, the world, along with most of people in it, will be out to hold them back in any way that they can. As a result of this, there are likely to be a number of negative feelings that they are used to experiencing.
Emotional Experience
At times, they may feel angry, frustrated and full of rage, while at other times, they could feel powerless, helpless, and hopeless. When they feel angry and even rageful, they will most likely feel strong but, when they feel helpless, they will most likely feel weak.
There may even be times when they feel as though they are morally superior to others; as unlike others, they are not keeping anyone down in life. This might be the only way that they are able to experience positive feelings.
Held Back
Due to feeling as though they are being kept down by others, they could have an entitlement mentality. They are not going to be able to fulfil their needs and to achieve their goals because of these people, so these people will have a duty to give them things.
After all, it won't be as if one is choosing to experience life in this way; it is something that is out of their hands. And, what will prove this is how angry they are about how they are experiencing life.
Clear Resistance
If they were comfortable with what is taking place, and happy with not being able to fulfil their needs, they wouldn't be getting angry. However, even though part of them doesn't want to experience life in this way, it doesn't mean that a bigger part of them wants their life to change.
What they may find is that experiencing life in this way is what feels comfortable at a deeper level. Consciously, then, one will want their life to change but, unconsciously, this can be what feels safe.
A Closer Look
It might be hard for them to comprehend how feeling powerless and helpless, for instance, can feel safe; especially as its causing them lead a miserable existence and to experience so much pain. The thing about their ego is that it can end up feeling comfortable with anything; the only thing that matters is that it is familiar.
To this part of them, what is familiar is associated as what is safe, and, the reason why experiencing these feelings can be what feels safe, can be due to what took place at the beginning of their life. This may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected, setting them up to gradually become emotionally attached to feeling this way.
Awareness
When one doesn't understand how what is taking place at a deeper level is influencing their life, it will be normal for them to feel like a victim. It will appear as though other people are victimising them, even though they are the ones who are victimising themselves.
If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by a therapist or healer.
Teacher, prolific writer, author, and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over one thousand nine hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/10038995
Monday, 26 November 2018
Sunday, 25 November 2018
Hope Out of the Loneliest Experience of My Life
By Steve Wickham
Some days, weeks and months become etched into the folklore of our lives.
The week of 4-10 October 2003 is one among two of the most significantly harsh lived experiences that have been carved into my psyche thus far.
Each day had its own memorialised narrative. Each 24-hour period profound in the breaking of me, which ultimately had the effect of remaking me, not that I knew anything but the despair of these occasions at the time.
The loneliest experience of my life was moving the few belongings I had left out of my parents' house and into the company vehicle I had at the time and driving to the dingy little flat I had rented.
This little flat, for me, on 10 October 2003, had the presence of death about it. There was no life within its walls. It was a spiritually vacuous place.
I stayed there six months, though many nights I could not sleep there.
It was a real and present reminder that my life at that time had completely imploded. It was a Friday, and I shifted alone. It was two days after I had a calamitous breakdown that felt as if our worlds were ending, yet there was no sympathy from whom sympathy was sought.
It was a day after my father had had surgery that would push his mental health to the brink over the coming months. It was one of those rock bottom times that all families endure. Even after 15 years it is hard to comprehend just how hard that time was.
It was the loneliest time of my entire life. I truly don't know how I held on, other than through the receipt of love that was poured into me, much of which came from unexpected sources.
What inspires me about my own story is that there were myriad times I wanted to give up. There were occasions when I seriously considered ending it all. I have massive empathy for anyone who has been on the receiving end of this kind of hell, whatever the outcome.
This period was merely the beginning of a long and tiresome campaign for recovery. It was a crusade to recover the concept of normal. And it took years. Perhaps in some ways it is an ongoing work.
But the loneliest time of my life came when I felt completely abandoned and forsaken. And yet I know God did not take me there without reason, for as I look back I can see him there, I just couldn't see it at the time.
15 years ago, this week, I cannot believe the contrast between that life, then, and this life, now, even amid losing Nathanael in 2014. I could not have contemplated then being in the situation I am in now.
And that is life.
It is in the loneliest seasons that great change is birthed, the sort of change we would never choose, but the sort of change that inevitably chooses us, and when we move with it, great is the transformation in us.
We never think we have what it takes to make it through such change.
If we are wise even though we are weak, however, we will rely on God, the provision of caring companions he provides to get us through, and our own increasing resources of resilience.
If only I go back there to that time, to sling that heavy bed on the roof rack, and how it took every ounce of my physical strength to do it, and how I did so in tears, I am thankful for that version of me that kept going.
If you are in that place now, or you know someone at their rock bottom, be encouraged, and be an encouragement. The night is darkest just before dawn, and the sun will rise on your day soon.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/10021331
Some days, weeks and months become etched into the folklore of our lives.
The week of 4-10 October 2003 is one among two of the most significantly harsh lived experiences that have been carved into my psyche thus far.
Each day had its own memorialised narrative. Each 24-hour period profound in the breaking of me, which ultimately had the effect of remaking me, not that I knew anything but the despair of these occasions at the time.
The loneliest experience of my life was moving the few belongings I had left out of my parents' house and into the company vehicle I had at the time and driving to the dingy little flat I had rented.
This little flat, for me, on 10 October 2003, had the presence of death about it. There was no life within its walls. It was a spiritually vacuous place.
I stayed there six months, though many nights I could not sleep there.
It was a real and present reminder that my life at that time had completely imploded. It was a Friday, and I shifted alone. It was two days after I had a calamitous breakdown that felt as if our worlds were ending, yet there was no sympathy from whom sympathy was sought.
It was a day after my father had had surgery that would push his mental health to the brink over the coming months. It was one of those rock bottom times that all families endure. Even after 15 years it is hard to comprehend just how hard that time was.
It was the loneliest time of my entire life. I truly don't know how I held on, other than through the receipt of love that was poured into me, much of which came from unexpected sources.
What inspires me about my own story is that there were myriad times I wanted to give up. There were occasions when I seriously considered ending it all. I have massive empathy for anyone who has been on the receiving end of this kind of hell, whatever the outcome.
This period was merely the beginning of a long and tiresome campaign for recovery. It was a crusade to recover the concept of normal. And it took years. Perhaps in some ways it is an ongoing work.
But the loneliest time of my life came when I felt completely abandoned and forsaken. And yet I know God did not take me there without reason, for as I look back I can see him there, I just couldn't see it at the time.
15 years ago, this week, I cannot believe the contrast between that life, then, and this life, now, even amid losing Nathanael in 2014. I could not have contemplated then being in the situation I am in now.
And that is life.
It is in the loneliest seasons that great change is birthed, the sort of change we would never choose, but the sort of change that inevitably chooses us, and when we move with it, great is the transformation in us.
We never think we have what it takes to make it through such change.
If we are wise even though we are weak, however, we will rely on God, the provision of caring companions he provides to get us through, and our own increasing resources of resilience.
If only I go back there to that time, to sling that heavy bed on the roof rack, and how it took every ounce of my physical strength to do it, and how I did so in tears, I am thankful for that version of me that kept going.
If you are in that place now, or you know someone at their rock bottom, be encouraged, and be an encouragement. The night is darkest just before dawn, and the sun will rise on your day soon.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/10021331
Tuesday, 20 November 2018
The Seven-Step Decision Process
Ever struggled with a decision? Dealing with one now? Ever made what you thought was a poor decision that turned out well? Ever made a good one that turned out poorly? I'm sure you don't need my repetitive babble as you have better things to do today, like spending time deciding or maybe spending over ten hours of your life today interacting with a device! Yep, these ten hours on your iPad, iPhone or computer etc. are decisions made on how you choose to spend your time whether wisely or aimlessly.
Making decisions is the easy part of the decision process and as a result, you would think most people would be able to handle this first step in life's decision process.
A process is a series of steps in every area of life whether - cooking, exercise, travel, health, relationship building, career development, business growth etc. and decision making is no exception. To achieve a favorable outcome from any decision, each step in the process must be taken in order and with thought, evaluation, and purpose and all driven by pre-determined desired results or outcomes. But first a quote from one of my mentors, Charlie "Tremendous" Jones - "Stop trying to make right decisions, make the decision and then make it turn out right."
So, what are the seven steps to an effective and successful decision process?
-Consider the process: desired outcomes or results, potential risks and/or rewards, time-frames, available resources, courage, passion, desire or fears associated with it, previous similar decisions and outcomes. Get it? You just don't make it without a little pre-thought.
-Decide; this is the easy part - say yes or no - maybe is not a decision, not now is not a decision, when things get better or change is not a decision, I hope it will all work out is not a decision, someday I will is not a decision, if my inaction doesn't work I'll do something is not a decision.
-Plan; planning is taking all the details, facts, lessons, considerations, resources and deciding on the best, the ideal, the only etc. approach. Here is where you map out and blend the various steps in the process execution; the expected outcomes, the benchmarks, the guidelines, the rules, how you will handle potential roadblocks, hazards and/or setbacks, mistakes or failures, how to manage resources of time, money, people and any other certain or uncertain resources.
-Act; now it's time to get moving executing the plan developed. You begin. You get started; no waiting, no delaying, no excuses, no fears, no hesitation - just get moving.
-Monitor; this is the time for discipline, observation, awareness and record keeping. Without these actions how will you know what works, what doesn't, what might have or what needs to be trashed? This is also a time for monitoring the path to success. If you didn't set a timeframe or time or complete time/date you will tend to get distracted, sidetracked and even lose passion, attention or the desire to keep going.
-Evaluate; Now it's time for review - what worked, what didn't, what took too long, what cost too much, what took too much time or used too many resources. What needs to change? If it is changed how will we know we will get better or different results the next time? Is the entire project, program - whatever - worth it? Will it pay off adequately with additional time, resources, people or patience? Don't skip this step or if something fails - you will tend to fail again if it is tried again in the future. If it took too long or too many resources how do, we or can we still accomplish it with less or fewer resources? Important questions if you want a better track record of success and less failure, disappointment in the future.
-Act again; Simple - take the learning from each step above and blend it into your re-try. But, follow the same steps above or again, if it fails you may never know why and could set yourself up for repeat future failures.
By Tim Connor
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/9991649
Making decisions is the easy part of the decision process and as a result, you would think most people would be able to handle this first step in life's decision process.
A process is a series of steps in every area of life whether - cooking, exercise, travel, health, relationship building, career development, business growth etc. and decision making is no exception. To achieve a favorable outcome from any decision, each step in the process must be taken in order and with thought, evaluation, and purpose and all driven by pre-determined desired results or outcomes. But first a quote from one of my mentors, Charlie "Tremendous" Jones - "Stop trying to make right decisions, make the decision and then make it turn out right."
So, what are the seven steps to an effective and successful decision process?
-Consider the process: desired outcomes or results, potential risks and/or rewards, time-frames, available resources, courage, passion, desire or fears associated with it, previous similar decisions and outcomes. Get it? You just don't make it without a little pre-thought.
-Decide; this is the easy part - say yes or no - maybe is not a decision, not now is not a decision, when things get better or change is not a decision, I hope it will all work out is not a decision, someday I will is not a decision, if my inaction doesn't work I'll do something is not a decision.
-Plan; planning is taking all the details, facts, lessons, considerations, resources and deciding on the best, the ideal, the only etc. approach. Here is where you map out and blend the various steps in the process execution; the expected outcomes, the benchmarks, the guidelines, the rules, how you will handle potential roadblocks, hazards and/or setbacks, mistakes or failures, how to manage resources of time, money, people and any other certain or uncertain resources.
-Act; now it's time to get moving executing the plan developed. You begin. You get started; no waiting, no delaying, no excuses, no fears, no hesitation - just get moving.
-Monitor; this is the time for discipline, observation, awareness and record keeping. Without these actions how will you know what works, what doesn't, what might have or what needs to be trashed? This is also a time for monitoring the path to success. If you didn't set a timeframe or time or complete time/date you will tend to get distracted, sidetracked and even lose passion, attention or the desire to keep going.
-Evaluate; Now it's time for review - what worked, what didn't, what took too long, what cost too much, what took too much time or used too many resources. What needs to change? If it is changed how will we know we will get better or different results the next time? Is the entire project, program - whatever - worth it? Will it pay off adequately with additional time, resources, people or patience? Don't skip this step or if something fails - you will tend to fail again if it is tried again in the future. If it took too long or too many resources how do, we or can we still accomplish it with less or fewer resources? Important questions if you want a better track record of success and less failure, disappointment in the future.
-Act again; Simple - take the learning from each step above and blend it into your re-try. But, follow the same steps above or again, if it fails you may never know why and could set yourself up for repeat future failures.
By Tim Connor
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/9991649
Monday, 19 November 2018
How Do You Want To Be Remembered
Please - I'm not being morbid - just asking a simple question.
Trust me - the years pass much more quickly than most people realize or are willing to accept. I don't care your chronological age as that is not the determining fact as to when you will check out of here so back to my question - How do you want to be remembered after you are gone?
First of all, who remembers us and why depends on many factors; our relationships (family, kids, siblings etc.), careers (customers, fellow workers, bosses etc.), where we lived (neighbors, friends, acquaintances etc.), and yes even a few total strangers that might have crossed our paths quickly and briefly.
Then there are our actions (things done and not done), behaviors (good, bad, stupid, thoughtful, selfish, kind, egotistical, compassionate etc.).
And of course, there are our words (things said and not said, kind words or hurtful words etc.).
And how about our beliefs attitudes, prejudices and opinions (did we always have to be right or could we accept mistakes, were we always talking, or did we ever listen and care, could we disagree without anger or validate others for who they were, did we live with a spiritual foundation or did we assume there is no God etc.).
Yes, there's one more - our goals, desires, dreams, and plans. Did we include others or exclude them, did we rely on others or did we always go it alone, did we give credit when it was due or always keep it for our selves, did we share our victories or assume we deserved all the benefits regardless of other's guidance etc?
OK, I hope I have made my point - there are numerous factors to who will or will not remember us, why they will or will not remember us and what they will remember us for - if they do.
I'm going to generalize a bit so hang in there with me.
There is an ancient Native American legend that states 'you will only get into Heaven leaning on the shoulders of someone you helped while you were on earth.'
Regardless of your opinion of this statement consider - if you helped no one in any way - what are your chances? If you helped one hundred people - go for it.
As I go through my last life chapter I have spent a lot of time considering this question and is it too late to change what those who were in my life - for many years or even a few minutes - will remember about me or even care.
Ever wondered how many people will attend your funeral? Full house or a lot of empty seats?
You've heard it I'm sure - It's never too late to make a new first impression. Does this rule also apply - It's never too late to change your legacy? I don't have a clue but what I do know is how you live your life while you are here become the guidelines for your legacy or how, why, if, when etc. you will be remembered.
I'm not referring here to all those famous folks like - Billy Graham, Mother Teresa, Babe Ruth or Henry Ford etc. I'm talking about us normal folks who are doing our best to live a life of dignity, happiness, success, compassion, and love rather than fame and fortune.
So, here's a thought - make a list of all the people in your life that matter - current or past, relatives or friends - get it - anyone or everyone. Now, write down the words that you think each one of them might use to describe you, your legacy or what you meant to them while you shared life with them if they were giving your eulogy. Got the courage to do this? If no, why not? If yes, go for it.
And here's a final thought if you can handle it. Now share the words, memories etc. you wrote down with each person and ask them for their response (agree, disagree, like, don't like etc.).
By Tim Connor
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/9990400
Trust me - the years pass much more quickly than most people realize or are willing to accept. I don't care your chronological age as that is not the determining fact as to when you will check out of here so back to my question - How do you want to be remembered after you are gone?
First of all, who remembers us and why depends on many factors; our relationships (family, kids, siblings etc.), careers (customers, fellow workers, bosses etc.), where we lived (neighbors, friends, acquaintances etc.), and yes even a few total strangers that might have crossed our paths quickly and briefly.
Then there are our actions (things done and not done), behaviors (good, bad, stupid, thoughtful, selfish, kind, egotistical, compassionate etc.).
And of course, there are our words (things said and not said, kind words or hurtful words etc.).
And how about our beliefs attitudes, prejudices and opinions (did we always have to be right or could we accept mistakes, were we always talking, or did we ever listen and care, could we disagree without anger or validate others for who they were, did we live with a spiritual foundation or did we assume there is no God etc.).
Yes, there's one more - our goals, desires, dreams, and plans. Did we include others or exclude them, did we rely on others or did we always go it alone, did we give credit when it was due or always keep it for our selves, did we share our victories or assume we deserved all the benefits regardless of other's guidance etc?
OK, I hope I have made my point - there are numerous factors to who will or will not remember us, why they will or will not remember us and what they will remember us for - if they do.
I'm going to generalize a bit so hang in there with me.
There is an ancient Native American legend that states 'you will only get into Heaven leaning on the shoulders of someone you helped while you were on earth.'
Regardless of your opinion of this statement consider - if you helped no one in any way - what are your chances? If you helped one hundred people - go for it.
As I go through my last life chapter I have spent a lot of time considering this question and is it too late to change what those who were in my life - for many years or even a few minutes - will remember about me or even care.
Ever wondered how many people will attend your funeral? Full house or a lot of empty seats?
You've heard it I'm sure - It's never too late to make a new first impression. Does this rule also apply - It's never too late to change your legacy? I don't have a clue but what I do know is how you live your life while you are here become the guidelines for your legacy or how, why, if, when etc. you will be remembered.
I'm not referring here to all those famous folks like - Billy Graham, Mother Teresa, Babe Ruth or Henry Ford etc. I'm talking about us normal folks who are doing our best to live a life of dignity, happiness, success, compassion, and love rather than fame and fortune.
So, here's a thought - make a list of all the people in your life that matter - current or past, relatives or friends - get it - anyone or everyone. Now, write down the words that you think each one of them might use to describe you, your legacy or what you meant to them while you shared life with them if they were giving your eulogy. Got the courage to do this? If no, why not? If yes, go for it.
And here's a final thought if you can handle it. Now share the words, memories etc. you wrote down with each person and ask them for their response (agree, disagree, like, don't like etc.).
By Tim Connor
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/9990400
Thursday, 15 November 2018
8 Tips To Cope With Very Bad News
It's not easy. It's never easy. And nothing can really help you forget the situation. But there are a few little tricks that might somehow soothe you or make you find some extra strength and there are some other things that you should try and avoid in order to not feel even worse.
Let me try and summarize a few tips for you. Remember, this is not about your sick loved ones now, but about you...
Think up two or three positive thoughts or recall two happy or better yet, funny memories and keep them ready to tell your loved one if the moment arises. You have to think of them when you're alone because life tends to get busy or overwhelming when near a sick person. Grab the opportunities to give them little gifts of happiness throughout the day. Have some stories, anecdotes or memories ready at all times. Be ready to force a change of subject in the conversation when you feel that you and the patient are going in circles around the same old themes. That will act as a flush of fresh, invigorating breeze.
Whenever you're with your loved sick ones, focus all your attention on them and try not to think about your pain. It can never match theirs. And don't let mental digressions divert you from your real chore which is keeping yourself strong enough to help the person you love. It's easy to ask oneself "why us, why me?" It's in fact an unavoidable question. But it's a question that has no answer and looking for one obsessively will not solve the problem and will deduct from your energy reserves. When that question (or similar ones) pop into your head, look at it squarely for a couple of seconds and then let your thoughts tell it to leave you alone. Turn your attention to more fruitful endeavors.
Keep busy. Don't sit around letting questions attack you. Don't stay in bed if you're awake doing nothing; grab a book or get up to bake some cookies. Anything is better than letting destructive or depressive thoughts and tortuous questions engulf you. One of my favorites is writing something for my loved ones when my mind doesn't seem to find any peace. The mere act of sitting at the computer or holding the pen in my hand helps me focus and fight negative ideas. Another favorite one of mine is, of course, reading. Reading soothes my mind so much! It helps me run away from my reality for a little while and has proven to be a great way to reduce stress. But whatever you read must be of interest to you. Don't try to take any book laying around in your house. Choose something that has meaning and you really want to know about.
Meet up with friends who can support you too. Find moments to vent your anger and sadness away from your sick loved one but supported by friends or others who care for you. Let others share your pain and comfort you, too. Don't play hero all day long; it's exhausting and you need to save up your energy.
If not with friends, try to vent your anger and distress by running, exercising, walking or practicing any sport you like or engaging in any manual activity of your choice. Doing something physical helps the mind focus. It's OK to feel angry and frustrated, it's only natural. And crying is also good. But no matter what you do, don't let the anger and frustration accumulate inside you. Those two are very destructive forces that will only lead to more sadness. Feel them, face them and understand that what you are feeling is a natural reaction. Then vent away any unacceptable or excessive accumulations by doing something physical.
Plan little actions for each day. Some of them you will undertake, others will remain just planned. Have things to do at all times: rent a movie, order a book, organize a small reunion with friends over drinks, decide what to cook for dinner... even if your days seem completely full and overfilled, still plan ahead. Planning daily things to do with or without the patient will give you a sense of normalcy that will help bear the hours. Some of those plans you can design together with your loved one: discuss the details, talk about the choices... as you would do under any other circumstances.
There will be times when your mind and your soul will ask for quiet and peace, for silence and inactivity. Take a break. Give yourself some moments alone and don't feel guilty for taking them. Let your thoughts and raw feelings rest a bit. But make sure those times don't turn into self-punishment. If you feel that your mind is starting to go in circles around unanswerable questions again, put a stop to it. One thing is enjoying a quiet moment; something else is letting depression catch up with you.
And finally, let your loved one know that you are there, that you are the same old you and that you're together in this. Sometimes, when the pain is big, we withdraw from our loved ones because it's too much to bear. Try not to do that. Sail the ride together. Let the love you share hold you together. It's OK to show them that you are sad or even angry, as long as you can also show them that you are hopeful and that you still cherish these moments together. A happy moment treasured now is worth more than many, less meaningful others shared before.
Life is sometimes unbearably hard, you're right. And we should never pretend it's not. But it's our task to look for the small, good things around us to help those who are sick. Use these little tips to help you go through your dark days.
Enjoy life, yes, even under these terrible circumstances, enjoy the good moments in life.
By Jessica J Lockhart
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/9966659
Let me try and summarize a few tips for you. Remember, this is not about your sick loved ones now, but about you...
Think up two or three positive thoughts or recall two happy or better yet, funny memories and keep them ready to tell your loved one if the moment arises. You have to think of them when you're alone because life tends to get busy or overwhelming when near a sick person. Grab the opportunities to give them little gifts of happiness throughout the day. Have some stories, anecdotes or memories ready at all times. Be ready to force a change of subject in the conversation when you feel that you and the patient are going in circles around the same old themes. That will act as a flush of fresh, invigorating breeze.
Whenever you're with your loved sick ones, focus all your attention on them and try not to think about your pain. It can never match theirs. And don't let mental digressions divert you from your real chore which is keeping yourself strong enough to help the person you love. It's easy to ask oneself "why us, why me?" It's in fact an unavoidable question. But it's a question that has no answer and looking for one obsessively will not solve the problem and will deduct from your energy reserves. When that question (or similar ones) pop into your head, look at it squarely for a couple of seconds and then let your thoughts tell it to leave you alone. Turn your attention to more fruitful endeavors.
Keep busy. Don't sit around letting questions attack you. Don't stay in bed if you're awake doing nothing; grab a book or get up to bake some cookies. Anything is better than letting destructive or depressive thoughts and tortuous questions engulf you. One of my favorites is writing something for my loved ones when my mind doesn't seem to find any peace. The mere act of sitting at the computer or holding the pen in my hand helps me focus and fight negative ideas. Another favorite one of mine is, of course, reading. Reading soothes my mind so much! It helps me run away from my reality for a little while and has proven to be a great way to reduce stress. But whatever you read must be of interest to you. Don't try to take any book laying around in your house. Choose something that has meaning and you really want to know about.
Meet up with friends who can support you too. Find moments to vent your anger and sadness away from your sick loved one but supported by friends or others who care for you. Let others share your pain and comfort you, too. Don't play hero all day long; it's exhausting and you need to save up your energy.
If not with friends, try to vent your anger and distress by running, exercising, walking or practicing any sport you like or engaging in any manual activity of your choice. Doing something physical helps the mind focus. It's OK to feel angry and frustrated, it's only natural. And crying is also good. But no matter what you do, don't let the anger and frustration accumulate inside you. Those two are very destructive forces that will only lead to more sadness. Feel them, face them and understand that what you are feeling is a natural reaction. Then vent away any unacceptable or excessive accumulations by doing something physical.
Plan little actions for each day. Some of them you will undertake, others will remain just planned. Have things to do at all times: rent a movie, order a book, organize a small reunion with friends over drinks, decide what to cook for dinner... even if your days seem completely full and overfilled, still plan ahead. Planning daily things to do with or without the patient will give you a sense of normalcy that will help bear the hours. Some of those plans you can design together with your loved one: discuss the details, talk about the choices... as you would do under any other circumstances.
There will be times when your mind and your soul will ask for quiet and peace, for silence and inactivity. Take a break. Give yourself some moments alone and don't feel guilty for taking them. Let your thoughts and raw feelings rest a bit. But make sure those times don't turn into self-punishment. If you feel that your mind is starting to go in circles around unanswerable questions again, put a stop to it. One thing is enjoying a quiet moment; something else is letting depression catch up with you.
And finally, let your loved one know that you are there, that you are the same old you and that you're together in this. Sometimes, when the pain is big, we withdraw from our loved ones because it's too much to bear. Try not to do that. Sail the ride together. Let the love you share hold you together. It's OK to show them that you are sad or even angry, as long as you can also show them that you are hopeful and that you still cherish these moments together. A happy moment treasured now is worth more than many, less meaningful others shared before.
Life is sometimes unbearably hard, you're right. And we should never pretend it's not. But it's our task to look for the small, good things around us to help those who are sick. Use these little tips to help you go through your dark days.
Enjoy life, yes, even under these terrible circumstances, enjoy the good moments in life.
By Jessica J Lockhart
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/9966659
Tuesday, 13 November 2018
Being Content: How to Not Let Others Affect You
Ever wondered how to be content and happy without letting others affect you? How is it possible? Is it at all possible? This article answers these questions.
Let others' presence not bother you. You do your stuff all by yourself whatever you can. If you need co-ordination or help, ask for it. In break time, have fun and cut jokes and be happy. When you return to your work, do it coolly and be happy. You will cover many milestones this way. Stay in slow and steady mode - after all, you are the person who will win at it. Perseverance and determination always count.
Let others' words not sting at you. Make it go through one ear and out through the other ear. You may not allow what others say hurt you. Be firm and strong and speak boldly. Everything will work out and you do not have to be a people pleaser.
Let how others behave not bother you. You cannot expect everyone to be perfect and up to your standard. Nevertheless talk normally and accept them but don't let them hamper your thoughts or work.
Let how other people dress not bother you. If there is a dress code at work and someone violates it, they will have to pay for it. So you don't bother and sweat. If you don't like the way someone is dressed at a party or reunion, don't bother to say anything. Just keep your distance and mix with the people you are comfortable with and stay contented.
It's not your job to fix anyone. Let others do what they like, talk, behave or wear anything they like. You don't bother about these things unless it's your own family and would like to suggest something more rational or positive.
Learn to be content with your stuff in your place at work or home. Don't let anybody affect your peace of mind. You may sit in a garden for sometime or spend your time at a home library. Time will pass peacefully. If you crave for someone's company, let him or her know that and let them spend time with you for the time being and be content and happy.
Summing up, please don't let others' odd presence or behavior affect you. You may be in for a shock or surprise but it is totally their business. Control yourself and stay cool and at peace with yourself. That way you don't lose your temper or your peace of mind. Instead, tranquility surrounds you in your environment and you are left with your thoughts and work to enjoy and be content.
By Rosina S Khan
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/10030214
Let others' presence not bother you. You do your stuff all by yourself whatever you can. If you need co-ordination or help, ask for it. In break time, have fun and cut jokes and be happy. When you return to your work, do it coolly and be happy. You will cover many milestones this way. Stay in slow and steady mode - after all, you are the person who will win at it. Perseverance and determination always count.
Let others' words not sting at you. Make it go through one ear and out through the other ear. You may not allow what others say hurt you. Be firm and strong and speak boldly. Everything will work out and you do not have to be a people pleaser.
Let how others behave not bother you. You cannot expect everyone to be perfect and up to your standard. Nevertheless talk normally and accept them but don't let them hamper your thoughts or work.
Let how other people dress not bother you. If there is a dress code at work and someone violates it, they will have to pay for it. So you don't bother and sweat. If you don't like the way someone is dressed at a party or reunion, don't bother to say anything. Just keep your distance and mix with the people you are comfortable with and stay contented.
It's not your job to fix anyone. Let others do what they like, talk, behave or wear anything they like. You don't bother about these things unless it's your own family and would like to suggest something more rational or positive.
Learn to be content with your stuff in your place at work or home. Don't let anybody affect your peace of mind. You may sit in a garden for sometime or spend your time at a home library. Time will pass peacefully. If you crave for someone's company, let him or her know that and let them spend time with you for the time being and be content and happy.
Summing up, please don't let others' odd presence or behavior affect you. You may be in for a shock or surprise but it is totally their business. Control yourself and stay cool and at peace with yourself. That way you don't lose your temper or your peace of mind. Instead, tranquility surrounds you in your environment and you are left with your thoughts and work to enjoy and be content.
By Rosina S Khan
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/10030214
Monday, 12 November 2018
Sunday, 11 November 2018
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