It's not easy. It's never easy. And nothing can really help you forget the situation. But there are a few little tricks that might somehow soothe you or make you find some extra strength and there are some other things that you should try and avoid in order to not feel even worse.
Let me try and summarize a few tips for you. Remember, this is not about your sick loved ones now, but about you...
Think up two or three positive thoughts or recall two happy or better yet, funny memories and keep them ready to tell your loved one if the moment arises. You have to think of them when you're alone because life tends to get busy or overwhelming when near a sick person. Grab the opportunities to give them little gifts of happiness throughout the day. Have some stories, anecdotes or memories ready at all times. Be ready to force a change of subject in the conversation when you feel that you and the patient are going in circles around the same old themes. That will act as a flush of fresh, invigorating breeze.
Whenever you're with your loved sick ones, focus all your attention on them and try not to think about your pain. It can never match theirs. And don't let mental digressions divert you from your real chore which is keeping yourself strong enough to help the person you love. It's easy to ask oneself "why us, why me?" It's in fact an unavoidable question. But it's a question that has no answer and looking for one obsessively will not solve the problem and will deduct from your energy reserves. When that question (or similar ones) pop into your head, look at it squarely for a couple of seconds and then let your thoughts tell it to leave you alone. Turn your attention to more fruitful endeavors.
Keep busy. Don't sit around letting questions attack you. Don't stay in bed if you're awake doing nothing; grab a book or get up to bake some cookies. Anything is better than letting destructive or depressive thoughts and tortuous questions engulf you. One of my favorites is writing something for my loved ones when my mind doesn't seem to find any peace. The mere act of sitting at the computer or holding the pen in my hand helps me focus and fight negative ideas. Another favorite one of mine is, of course, reading. Reading soothes my mind so much! It helps me run away from my reality for a little while and has proven to be a great way to reduce stress. But whatever you read must be of interest to you. Don't try to take any book laying around in your house. Choose something that has meaning and you really want to know about.
Meet up with friends who can support you too. Find moments to vent your anger and sadness away from your sick loved one but supported by friends or others who care for you. Let others share your pain and comfort you, too. Don't play hero all day long; it's exhausting and you need to save up your energy.
If not with friends, try to vent your anger and distress by running, exercising, walking or practicing any sport you like or engaging in any manual activity of your choice. Doing something physical helps the mind focus. It's OK to feel angry and frustrated, it's only natural. And crying is also good. But no matter what you do, don't let the anger and frustration accumulate inside you. Those two are very destructive forces that will only lead to more sadness. Feel them, face them and understand that what you are feeling is a natural reaction. Then vent away any unacceptable or excessive accumulations by doing something physical.
Plan little actions for each day. Some of them you will undertake, others will remain just planned. Have things to do at all times: rent a movie, order a book, organize a small reunion with friends over drinks, decide what to cook for dinner... even if your days seem completely full and overfilled, still plan ahead. Planning daily things to do with or without the patient will give you a sense of normalcy that will help bear the hours. Some of those plans you can design together with your loved one: discuss the details, talk about the choices... as you would do under any other circumstances.
There will be times when your mind and your soul will ask for quiet and peace, for silence and inactivity. Take a break. Give yourself some moments alone and don't feel guilty for taking them. Let your thoughts and raw feelings rest a bit. But make sure those times don't turn into self-punishment. If you feel that your mind is starting to go in circles around unanswerable questions again, put a stop to it. One thing is enjoying a quiet moment; something else is letting depression catch up with you.
And finally, let your loved one know that you are there, that you are the same old you and that you're together in this. Sometimes, when the pain is big, we withdraw from our loved ones because it's too much to bear. Try not to do that. Sail the ride together. Let the love you share hold you together. It's OK to show them that you are sad or even angry, as long as you can also show them that you are hopeful and that you still cherish these moments together. A happy moment treasured now is worth more than many, less meaningful others shared before.
Life is sometimes unbearably hard, you're right. And we should never pretend it's not. But it's our task to look for the small, good things around us to help those who are sick. Use these little tips to help you go through your dark days.
Enjoy life, yes, even under these terrible circumstances, enjoy the good moments in life.
By Jessica J Lockhart
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/9966659
Showing posts with label strength. Show all posts
Showing posts with label strength. Show all posts
Thursday, 15 November 2018
Sunday, 11 November 2018
Why The Obstacle Before You Is Never Bigger Than Your Power To Overcome It
Lean In To Your Difficulties
The reason you fear obstacles is that you doubt your ability to overcome them. Obstacles are seldom the problem, it is our lack of power to conquer them that gets in the way. For example, have you faced a difficult situation in the past and worried you would not make it through? Recall the circumstances and how you felt as best you can. Now fast forward months from when it occurred and call to mind the same situation from a renewed perspective. Can you see how insignificant it seems from your current outlook? That is, we feel incapable of overcoming challenges instead of believing we will be OK. Perhaps it's the element of surprise or the fear we are powerless to face the problem that scares us most.
It is what author and psychotherapist David Richo refers to in The Five Things We Cannot Change: And the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them when he says: "We worry because we do not trust ourselves to handle what happens to us. We worry because we do not trust that the way the chips fall will work out for the best. We worry because we have not yet said yes." Therein lies the issue: acknowledging the obstacle instead of wanting it to disappear. I'm not talking about unexpected events such as a speeding ticket or your romantic interest not returning a text message. Whilst I acknowledge this may cause distress for some people, I'm talking about larger issues that call on our deepest inner strength. Saying yes to what transpires means leaning in to your difficulties even though it may look untenable on the face of it. However, if approached with an open mind, we will overcome it and gain valuable insights.
No Other Choice Than To Be Courageous
Your inherent power is one of resiliency, determination and courage. Do you believe this power is available to you? Sometimes, we won't know the depths of our power until we are tested. I have faced many challenges throughout my life including the death of a parent and coming to terms with a life-threatening illness. I didn't realise I had the power to overcome those experiences until I had to. In the years that followed, I not only developed a greater strength of will, but the experiences softened me and I developed a humility towards life. I came to appreciate this entity called life is much greater than me. I came to look upon it with reverence and acknowledge that whilst I'm a small cog in the process called life, it functions perfectly irrespective of my thoughts.
Not everyone shares my outlook and that's fine. I wouldn't want to impress my views upon others because they are uniquely mine. I've met many people over the years who endured similar experiences and each person formed their own meaning of the events. Can you reflect on events in your own life that changed your outlook? Was the change for the better or were you angry with others, perhaps with life? It's hard to know how we will react in difficult moments. Sometimes there's no other choice than to face our hardships and step into battle with fierce determination and courage. For instance, if your loved one wants a divorce, you can wallow in self-pity and claim not to have seen the writing on the wall. You might experience sadness for months or brave through it as this is happening to you and see where it leads, not because you want to but because there is no other choice; sometimes there is no other choice than to be courageous.
Therein lies the key message of this article: when there's no other choice than to be strong, life calls us to exert our greatest strength because what we're experiencing may be bigger than we realise. When we don't have a choice other than to step into the fire, what awaits us on the other side is a journey of self-discovery, knowing we are more resilient and courageous than we imagined. It is what author Alex Pattakos refers to in Prisoners of Our Thoughts: Viktor Frankl's Principles for Discovering Meaning in Life and Work where he writes: "Courage is not the absence of fear but the awareness there is something more important." I'm reminded of those who lose their homes in a fire or their life savings to scrupulous insurance companies who undermine their trust or those whose family members betray them. These things happen to good people everyday and many of them have no other choice than to face their challenges. By leaning in to them, we develop the capacity to yield to the forces that oppose us. We learn the obstacle is never bigger than our power to overcome it. It is our willingness to move towards it with faith and determination, trusting the experience itself, which will activate our inherent power.
By Tony Fahkry
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/10003049
The reason you fear obstacles is that you doubt your ability to overcome them. Obstacles are seldom the problem, it is our lack of power to conquer them that gets in the way. For example, have you faced a difficult situation in the past and worried you would not make it through? Recall the circumstances and how you felt as best you can. Now fast forward months from when it occurred and call to mind the same situation from a renewed perspective. Can you see how insignificant it seems from your current outlook? That is, we feel incapable of overcoming challenges instead of believing we will be OK. Perhaps it's the element of surprise or the fear we are powerless to face the problem that scares us most.
It is what author and psychotherapist David Richo refers to in The Five Things We Cannot Change: And the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them when he says: "We worry because we do not trust ourselves to handle what happens to us. We worry because we do not trust that the way the chips fall will work out for the best. We worry because we have not yet said yes." Therein lies the issue: acknowledging the obstacle instead of wanting it to disappear. I'm not talking about unexpected events such as a speeding ticket or your romantic interest not returning a text message. Whilst I acknowledge this may cause distress for some people, I'm talking about larger issues that call on our deepest inner strength. Saying yes to what transpires means leaning in to your difficulties even though it may look untenable on the face of it. However, if approached with an open mind, we will overcome it and gain valuable insights.
No Other Choice Than To Be Courageous
Your inherent power is one of resiliency, determination and courage. Do you believe this power is available to you? Sometimes, we won't know the depths of our power until we are tested. I have faced many challenges throughout my life including the death of a parent and coming to terms with a life-threatening illness. I didn't realise I had the power to overcome those experiences until I had to. In the years that followed, I not only developed a greater strength of will, but the experiences softened me and I developed a humility towards life. I came to appreciate this entity called life is much greater than me. I came to look upon it with reverence and acknowledge that whilst I'm a small cog in the process called life, it functions perfectly irrespective of my thoughts.
Not everyone shares my outlook and that's fine. I wouldn't want to impress my views upon others because they are uniquely mine. I've met many people over the years who endured similar experiences and each person formed their own meaning of the events. Can you reflect on events in your own life that changed your outlook? Was the change for the better or were you angry with others, perhaps with life? It's hard to know how we will react in difficult moments. Sometimes there's no other choice than to face our hardships and step into battle with fierce determination and courage. For instance, if your loved one wants a divorce, you can wallow in self-pity and claim not to have seen the writing on the wall. You might experience sadness for months or brave through it as this is happening to you and see where it leads, not because you want to but because there is no other choice; sometimes there is no other choice than to be courageous.
Therein lies the key message of this article: when there's no other choice than to be strong, life calls us to exert our greatest strength because what we're experiencing may be bigger than we realise. When we don't have a choice other than to step into the fire, what awaits us on the other side is a journey of self-discovery, knowing we are more resilient and courageous than we imagined. It is what author Alex Pattakos refers to in Prisoners of Our Thoughts: Viktor Frankl's Principles for Discovering Meaning in Life and Work where he writes: "Courage is not the absence of fear but the awareness there is something more important." I'm reminded of those who lose their homes in a fire or their life savings to scrupulous insurance companies who undermine their trust or those whose family members betray them. These things happen to good people everyday and many of them have no other choice than to face their challenges. By leaning in to them, we develop the capacity to yield to the forces that oppose us. We learn the obstacle is never bigger than our power to overcome it. It is our willingness to move towards it with faith and determination, trusting the experience itself, which will activate our inherent power.
By Tony Fahkry
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/10003049
Tuesday, 6 November 2018
Intuition Vs Fear: How to Recognize Your Intuition
Intuition can produce feelings, emotions, sounds, images, physical sensations, dreams, heightened awareness and distractions. Everyone has intuition. Sometimes it's subtle and other times it's quite pronounced or even startling. For people who haven't had any training in how to work with their intuition, the experience of being intuitive can lead to empathic overload, fatigue, disillusionment, and confusion about what's real, what's being imagined, what's being projected, what's coming from a higher (wiser) place and what's not. Listening to intuition can be just as disturbing as attempts to ignore it because the messages may seem emotionally loaded while also being cryptic or lacking any clear direction as to how to make use of that information - much less what higher purpose it's serving or how to digest the emotional aspects of it.
By learning to recognize and work with your intuition effectively, you can create a greater feeling of purpose, direction, clarity, inner peace and spiritual connection in your life. Learning how to ground your sixth sense in the practical world is essential in navigating relationships, careers, financial decisions, life transitions, and personal growth.
The following 8 tips may help you to recognize the workings and value of your intuition and offer clarity about the difference between the fear-based mind and the intuitive, wise self:
The purpose of your intuition is to guide you - not to scare you. Any fear-based response you have is coming from your mind - not your higher self.
Cryptic messages are not necessarily warnings. They may just be an attempt from the universe to get your attention. Don't jump to conclusions. Instead, take time to listen and engage (calmly) with the energy contained within those messages. Take some deep breaths and ask your higher self for clarity.
If you find yourself stirred up by your intuitive downloads, stop what you're doing and breath deeply again. Then ask your spiritual power why you're picking up that information or energy and what you can do with it. Give yourself some time to receive an answer. It may not come to you immediately. It may take several days and calm space before another message presents itself. With practice, you can learn to dialogue with your intuition so that it becomes more useful to you.
If you're on empathic overload, ask yourself what emotional issues may be getting activated within yourself. What inner demons are unresolved? When you're already stirred up (or in denial) about your own emotional process, it's likely that you'll over-identify with someone else's pain. That leads to a merging of your pain and someone else's and a situation that's emotionally, psychically, and energetically murky.
Do a reality check about whether your inner rescuer has been activated. Are you yearning to fix someone else? Is that your pattern? It is for a lot of empathic people as they have a tendency to try to save everyone else rather than working on themselves. Keep in mind that you'll be less effective in helping anyone else if your own emotions and energy are stirred up.
If you're constantly on the go, your energy will race and you may be more likely to feel anxious. Giving yourself time-outs, time in nature, walks, hikes, swims, meditation, massage, quiet time at home and other self-care modalities will help to ground your energy and decrease your fear response.
If your instincts are telling you something and you respond with an argumentative statements, you may be ignoring your own intuition.
Keep a journal of the intuitive messages that you receive - even if you're unsure of what they mean. Over time, you may find that the messages come together in a more coherent manner.
There are a number of books and courses to help you develop your intuition. It may seem frustrating at first. But if you commit to spending time several days each week settling into a calm inner space, asking for guidance from your higher self and simply allow yourself to be present with whatever images, words, sensations, feelings or sense of knowing that comes to you - free of judgement and scrutiny - you'll be well on your way to developing your intuition.
By Matthew Engel
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/9987655
By learning to recognize and work with your intuition effectively, you can create a greater feeling of purpose, direction, clarity, inner peace and spiritual connection in your life. Learning how to ground your sixth sense in the practical world is essential in navigating relationships, careers, financial decisions, life transitions, and personal growth.
The following 8 tips may help you to recognize the workings and value of your intuition and offer clarity about the difference between the fear-based mind and the intuitive, wise self:
The purpose of your intuition is to guide you - not to scare you. Any fear-based response you have is coming from your mind - not your higher self.
Cryptic messages are not necessarily warnings. They may just be an attempt from the universe to get your attention. Don't jump to conclusions. Instead, take time to listen and engage (calmly) with the energy contained within those messages. Take some deep breaths and ask your higher self for clarity.
If you find yourself stirred up by your intuitive downloads, stop what you're doing and breath deeply again. Then ask your spiritual power why you're picking up that information or energy and what you can do with it. Give yourself some time to receive an answer. It may not come to you immediately. It may take several days and calm space before another message presents itself. With practice, you can learn to dialogue with your intuition so that it becomes more useful to you.
If you're on empathic overload, ask yourself what emotional issues may be getting activated within yourself. What inner demons are unresolved? When you're already stirred up (or in denial) about your own emotional process, it's likely that you'll over-identify with someone else's pain. That leads to a merging of your pain and someone else's and a situation that's emotionally, psychically, and energetically murky.
Do a reality check about whether your inner rescuer has been activated. Are you yearning to fix someone else? Is that your pattern? It is for a lot of empathic people as they have a tendency to try to save everyone else rather than working on themselves. Keep in mind that you'll be less effective in helping anyone else if your own emotions and energy are stirred up.
If you're constantly on the go, your energy will race and you may be more likely to feel anxious. Giving yourself time-outs, time in nature, walks, hikes, swims, meditation, massage, quiet time at home and other self-care modalities will help to ground your energy and decrease your fear response.
If your instincts are telling you something and you respond with an argumentative statements, you may be ignoring your own intuition.
Keep a journal of the intuitive messages that you receive - even if you're unsure of what they mean. Over time, you may find that the messages come together in a more coherent manner.
There are a number of books and courses to help you develop your intuition. It may seem frustrating at first. But if you commit to spending time several days each week settling into a calm inner space, asking for guidance from your higher self and simply allow yourself to be present with whatever images, words, sensations, feelings or sense of knowing that comes to you - free of judgement and scrutiny - you'll be well on your way to developing your intuition.
By Matthew Engel
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/9987655
Sunday, 4 November 2018
Don't Go Through Life Quitting. Anything Substantial Requires Seeing It Through To The End
Life Doesn't Have A Timeline For Us
Quitting is easy though we rarely achieve anything when we abandon our goals. Knowing that, take a moment to reflect on something you're contemplating giving up on right now. It may be career related, health or otherwise. Why do you want to give up? Is it the only way? Have you considered other options? Once you've had a moment to reflect on it, think about why you undertook the goal in the first place. It might be that having a passion or purpose makes it harder to quit because of the emotional investment required to achieve it. Sometimes, we undertake goals we don't resonate with but fill a void in our life. Pursuing a goal or a dream ought to provide us with a sense of value and meaning in our lives, otherwise we're less likely to see it through. Does this make sense, insofar as being committed to the goal instead of wishing for something better to come along?
To go through life quitting weakens our character and erodes our self-esteem since we become habituated to taking the easy way out. As you know, life is not meant to be a bed of roses, nor is it riddled with pain and suffering. When we make choices aligned with our core values and highest intent, we are likely to pursue actions aligned with them. Sometimes, chasing after a goal or dream means toiling away in the trenches, for months, if not years with no respite. Occasionally, it requires walking away from situations that no longer serve us or our core purpose. This is difficult because there are no assurances we're making the right choice. The one measure we have is whether it feels right. Our emotions become our barometer if we're in it for the right reasons.
To achieve anything substantial requires hard work, determination and a resolute will to overcome the obstacles and challenges that lay ahead. It requires facing our demons and wrestling with them repeatedly. It involves revisiting the past and dredging up baggage we thought we once healed. I don't believe life has a timeline for us because sometimes we must gain knowledge, wisdom and understanding which cannot be rushed. Just as a flower blooms at the right time, so do the fruits of our labour when the conditions are right. To quit means to throw away the time and energy invested pursuing a goal. What I'm saying is: We mustn't allow difficult moments to define whether we will achieve our goals and dreams. This is the advice echoed by the American psychologist and author Angela Duckworth who writes in her bestselling book Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance: "Many of us, it seems, quit what we start far too early and far too often. Even more than the effort a gritty person puts in on a single day, what matters is that they wake up the next day, and the next, ready to get on that treadmill and keep going."
Nothing Substantial Comes Easily
Invariably, we will face difficult moments and make tough decisions anyway, so we might as well be doing it pursuing our passions and aspirations. How does this idea appeal to you? Can you see how sticking with something long term can be a great benefit to you? It's worth rendering a caveat here that sometimes we ought to quit when things are not working out. I don't intend the advice in this article to mean you mustn't ever give up. The message is simple: if you are passionate about something and you want it, find a way to get it and let go of why you can't have it.
In this wicked world of illusion, sometimes miracles can happen overnight. Life works in mysterious ways and when least expected. Circumstances can fall into place only if we labour and toil away at our respective goal. Nothing substantial comes easily and if it does, it is likely to slip from our hands just as quickly. For example, if you're in a relationship that has run its course, your only option may be to walk away from it, but what about investing the time and energy to work it out? Might it be in your best interest to keep trying before you quit? I don't have the answers and neither will you until you embark on the hard work which can be tiresome and plain ugly. The hard work is not cut out for everyone and this is why many people quit ahead of time. Decide on what you want for your life and create the structure and foundation for it to rest on. Do everything in your power to complete the task, the goal or dream and then if you want to give up, at least you will have a compelling reason to do so.
Whether you want to improve areas of your life or achieve your goals and dreams, my online Mentoring and Coaching Program will offer you the improvements you're looking for. The sessions are one hour in duration and geared towards: coaching and guidance, conversations and of course powerful transformation.
By Tony Fahkry
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/10007987
Quitting is easy though we rarely achieve anything when we abandon our goals. Knowing that, take a moment to reflect on something you're contemplating giving up on right now. It may be career related, health or otherwise. Why do you want to give up? Is it the only way? Have you considered other options? Once you've had a moment to reflect on it, think about why you undertook the goal in the first place. It might be that having a passion or purpose makes it harder to quit because of the emotional investment required to achieve it. Sometimes, we undertake goals we don't resonate with but fill a void in our life. Pursuing a goal or a dream ought to provide us with a sense of value and meaning in our lives, otherwise we're less likely to see it through. Does this make sense, insofar as being committed to the goal instead of wishing for something better to come along?
To go through life quitting weakens our character and erodes our self-esteem since we become habituated to taking the easy way out. As you know, life is not meant to be a bed of roses, nor is it riddled with pain and suffering. When we make choices aligned with our core values and highest intent, we are likely to pursue actions aligned with them. Sometimes, chasing after a goal or dream means toiling away in the trenches, for months, if not years with no respite. Occasionally, it requires walking away from situations that no longer serve us or our core purpose. This is difficult because there are no assurances we're making the right choice. The one measure we have is whether it feels right. Our emotions become our barometer if we're in it for the right reasons.
To achieve anything substantial requires hard work, determination and a resolute will to overcome the obstacles and challenges that lay ahead. It requires facing our demons and wrestling with them repeatedly. It involves revisiting the past and dredging up baggage we thought we once healed. I don't believe life has a timeline for us because sometimes we must gain knowledge, wisdom and understanding which cannot be rushed. Just as a flower blooms at the right time, so do the fruits of our labour when the conditions are right. To quit means to throw away the time and energy invested pursuing a goal. What I'm saying is: We mustn't allow difficult moments to define whether we will achieve our goals and dreams. This is the advice echoed by the American psychologist and author Angela Duckworth who writes in her bestselling book Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance: "Many of us, it seems, quit what we start far too early and far too often. Even more than the effort a gritty person puts in on a single day, what matters is that they wake up the next day, and the next, ready to get on that treadmill and keep going."
Nothing Substantial Comes Easily
Invariably, we will face difficult moments and make tough decisions anyway, so we might as well be doing it pursuing our passions and aspirations. How does this idea appeal to you? Can you see how sticking with something long term can be a great benefit to you? It's worth rendering a caveat here that sometimes we ought to quit when things are not working out. I don't intend the advice in this article to mean you mustn't ever give up. The message is simple: if you are passionate about something and you want it, find a way to get it and let go of why you can't have it.
In this wicked world of illusion, sometimes miracles can happen overnight. Life works in mysterious ways and when least expected. Circumstances can fall into place only if we labour and toil away at our respective goal. Nothing substantial comes easily and if it does, it is likely to slip from our hands just as quickly. For example, if you're in a relationship that has run its course, your only option may be to walk away from it, but what about investing the time and energy to work it out? Might it be in your best interest to keep trying before you quit? I don't have the answers and neither will you until you embark on the hard work which can be tiresome and plain ugly. The hard work is not cut out for everyone and this is why many people quit ahead of time. Decide on what you want for your life and create the structure and foundation for it to rest on. Do everything in your power to complete the task, the goal or dream and then if you want to give up, at least you will have a compelling reason to do so.
Whether you want to improve areas of your life or achieve your goals and dreams, my online Mentoring and Coaching Program will offer you the improvements you're looking for. The sessions are one hour in duration and geared towards: coaching and guidance, conversations and of course powerful transformation.
By Tony Fahkry
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/10007987
Friday, 2 November 2018
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