Showing posts with label self esteem. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self esteem. Show all posts
Friday, 1 February 2019
Saturday, 1 December 2018
Letting Go Of The Fear And Trusting Again After A Serious Heartbreak
By Rosemarie Sumalinog Gonzales
At some point of our lives, we experience hurt that we fear to trust again. Our fear of betrayal. Take baby steps day by day to become open and trusting within the very little things. The more we think over our past heartbreak, the more it lingers in our hearts. But if we just let it go naturally, our pain will heal naturally and will barely leave a scar.
We trust somebody in terms of perceiving that in spite of appearance they're decent persons with good intentions and with integrity. However, look can be very deceiving. Our previous experience affect our current relationship if we let our negative experiences destroy our reserve until such time when we become open enough to be vulnerable and trust once more.
We appreciate that every now and then things are going to be powerful. That's life and that we are going to be tested. However, keep in mind that our emotional heartbreak is not the end of the world. We need to let go of the past and move on forward. Our past won't define our future. It does not mean that if we are hurt in the past, we will also have a similar experience in the future. In other words, we've been hurt once doesn't mean that it's likely to happen once more.
What you pay most of it slow wondering becomes your reality... the very fact that it's laborious to trust someone? If it keeps happening to you, stop and reflect where did you go wrong, Love yourself foremost. When we love ourselves, it begets love. Knowing that no matter what happens we need to bounce back from our failures. That what resilient people do.
Yes, in fact we're invariably stricken by rejection because it happens as a part of life. We have a tendency to didn't get what we wished. But what's important, to learn from that negative experience to prevent us falling taken with once more.
Use rejection as a springboard to search out more about yourself, what you learned, why you are feeling the method you are doing, what you're permitting to urge within the method, wherever you're maybe sabotaging yourself. Use it to explore your values and what you actually wish in life.
Learning to trust somebody once more once is very troublesome... however, it's not possible.Your past doesn't equal your future. I learned this idea from the people I met in my field of work from different walks of life. It's not because we've been hurt within the past doesn't suggest we will get hurt once more.
So, let go of your fears and start trusting once more. This is actually the key to make a relationship work. No two people are the same. Just trust in your own judgment. However, if you retain distrusting yourself, you may keep distrusting others, that creates a positive feedback.
Part of building your confidence is to seem once yourself and understand that simply because you understand that somebody has done one thing nasty to you, you'll be okay. You'll cope on your own.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/9992831
At some point of our lives, we experience hurt that we fear to trust again. Our fear of betrayal. Take baby steps day by day to become open and trusting within the very little things. The more we think over our past heartbreak, the more it lingers in our hearts. But if we just let it go naturally, our pain will heal naturally and will barely leave a scar.
We trust somebody in terms of perceiving that in spite of appearance they're decent persons with good intentions and with integrity. However, look can be very deceiving. Our previous experience affect our current relationship if we let our negative experiences destroy our reserve until such time when we become open enough to be vulnerable and trust once more.
We appreciate that every now and then things are going to be powerful. That's life and that we are going to be tested. However, keep in mind that our emotional heartbreak is not the end of the world. We need to let go of the past and move on forward. Our past won't define our future. It does not mean that if we are hurt in the past, we will also have a similar experience in the future. In other words, we've been hurt once doesn't mean that it's likely to happen once more.
What you pay most of it slow wondering becomes your reality... the very fact that it's laborious to trust someone? If it keeps happening to you, stop and reflect where did you go wrong, Love yourself foremost. When we love ourselves, it begets love. Knowing that no matter what happens we need to bounce back from our failures. That what resilient people do.
Yes, in fact we're invariably stricken by rejection because it happens as a part of life. We have a tendency to didn't get what we wished. But what's important, to learn from that negative experience to prevent us falling taken with once more.
Use rejection as a springboard to search out more about yourself, what you learned, why you are feeling the method you are doing, what you're permitting to urge within the method, wherever you're maybe sabotaging yourself. Use it to explore your values and what you actually wish in life.
Learning to trust somebody once more once is very troublesome... however, it's not possible.Your past doesn't equal your future. I learned this idea from the people I met in my field of work from different walks of life. It's not because we've been hurt within the past doesn't suggest we will get hurt once more.
So, let go of your fears and start trusting once more. This is actually the key to make a relationship work. No two people are the same. Just trust in your own judgment. However, if you retain distrusting yourself, you may keep distrusting others, that creates a positive feedback.
Part of building your confidence is to seem once yourself and understand that simply because you understand that somebody has done one thing nasty to you, you'll be okay. You'll cope on your own.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/9992831
Friday, 30 November 2018
Thursday, 29 November 2018
Anger: Do Some People Use Anger To Avoid How They Feel?
By Oliver JR Cooper
There are people in today's world who have trouble with their anger, with this being something that has taken over their life. But, while there are people like this who reach out for support, there are others who don't.
If someone in this position was to reach out for assistance and ended up changing their behaviour, it would make their life a lot easier. Through doing this, it would also mean that the people in their life would no longer need to experience this behaviour.
A Force for Good
It will then be a lot easier for the people in their life to settle down and to relax in their presence. In the past, some of the people in their life may have been on edge, in preparation for their next outburst.
If there were people in their life who have kept their distance, some of these people might be more receptive to them. Ones health is also likely to benefit from them being able to keep their cool, as opposed to getting worked up so often.
Business as Usual
If someone in this position doesn't reach out for support, their life will continue to go down the same trajectory. The people in their life will also continue to be on the receiving end up their outbursts.
Yet, although some of these people will stay around, they may find that as time goes by, a number of people cut their ties with them. This will be a way for these people to look after their own wellbeing, and it can be a way for them to encourage one to change their behaviour.
How So?
Some of the people can believe that if one notices what is taking place, it might finally become clear to them how destructive their behaviour is. Telling this person directly won't have worked, so maybe an indirect approach will work.
It then won't be direct, but there is the chance that it will have more of an effect on one than simple staying around them, hoping that they will change. Another person could believe that staying around them is just validating their behaviour; whereas cutting their ties will send them a clear message.
A Mountain Out of Mole Hill
During the moments when one gets angry, it could be something that takes place when something doesn't go as expected or if someone tells them that they haven't done something right. Straight after this, or shortly after, they could become consumed with anger.
Their ability to behave in a rational manner is then going to disappear, with them coming across as though they have absolutely no-self control. One minute they can be clam and then next minute they can explode.
One Angle
One way of looking at this would be to say that this shows that they are somewhat of a perfectionist. Out of their need to get everything right and to do their best, it is a real shock to their system when something isn't in alignment with their high standards.
Not meeting their high standards then causes them to feel angry about how they have fallen short. If this is the case, it will be vital for them to realise that it is not possible for them to get everything right.
Anger Management
But, regardless of whether one can relate to this or not, they may be told that they need to learn how to manage their anger. Thus, in the same way that someone who is overweight will need to manage their hunger pangs, one will need to regain control of their anger.
One could then end up going down the behavioural therapy route, focusing on the thoughts that they have before they get angry. By no longer getting caught up in these thoughts and breathing deeply, for instance, their behaviour may gradually change.
A Band-Aid
However, while this person's anger could be seen as the real problem, it could be said that their anger is just a defence. What they may find, that's if they were to put their anger to one side, is that they feel worthless and helpless, amongst other things.
Therefore, if they no longer felt worthless deep down, they would no longer need to use this defence. With this in mind, focusing purely on their anger is not going to resolve the real issue - the only thing it will do is manage a symptom.
A Closer Look
When one is out of touch with how they feel at a deeper level, and is only aware of how they feel at a surface level, they can create the impression that they don't want to feel worthless. This is then why they are getting angry when something doesn't go as expected or when they do something wrong, for instance.
Even so, although they are consciously trying to resist how they feel deep down by getting angry, they are unconsciously attached to feeling worthless. So, if one is only aware of what is going on at the first level, they can deceive themselves into believing that they are not attached to what is taking place deep down.
A Big Part of Them
At a deeper level, feeling worthless and helpless, amongst other things, will be what is familiar and, therefore, what feels safe. Feeling this way will be a big part of their identity.
If they were not emotionally attached to feeling this way, they would have no reason to get so worked up. Getting angry can be seen as a sign that they don't want to feel bad, when in reality; it is a sign that this is what feels comfortable.
Self-Knowledge
What this illustrates is that there is what is taking place consciously and what is taking place at a deeper level (or unconsciously), and, without this understanding, it can create all kinds of difficulties. There is a strong chance that they felt worthless and helpless during their early years, and that this gradually become what felt comfortable as time went by.
But as the years passed, they would have ended up losing touch with what took place. Different defences would have built up over the years, disconnecting them from themselves in the process.
Awareness
If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
Teacher, prolific writer, author, and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over one thousand nine hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/10037336
There are people in today's world who have trouble with their anger, with this being something that has taken over their life. But, while there are people like this who reach out for support, there are others who don't.
If someone in this position was to reach out for assistance and ended up changing their behaviour, it would make their life a lot easier. Through doing this, it would also mean that the people in their life would no longer need to experience this behaviour.
A Force for Good
It will then be a lot easier for the people in their life to settle down and to relax in their presence. In the past, some of the people in their life may have been on edge, in preparation for their next outburst.
If there were people in their life who have kept their distance, some of these people might be more receptive to them. Ones health is also likely to benefit from them being able to keep their cool, as opposed to getting worked up so often.
Business as Usual
If someone in this position doesn't reach out for support, their life will continue to go down the same trajectory. The people in their life will also continue to be on the receiving end up their outbursts.
Yet, although some of these people will stay around, they may find that as time goes by, a number of people cut their ties with them. This will be a way for these people to look after their own wellbeing, and it can be a way for them to encourage one to change their behaviour.
How So?
Some of the people can believe that if one notices what is taking place, it might finally become clear to them how destructive their behaviour is. Telling this person directly won't have worked, so maybe an indirect approach will work.
It then won't be direct, but there is the chance that it will have more of an effect on one than simple staying around them, hoping that they will change. Another person could believe that staying around them is just validating their behaviour; whereas cutting their ties will send them a clear message.
A Mountain Out of Mole Hill
During the moments when one gets angry, it could be something that takes place when something doesn't go as expected or if someone tells them that they haven't done something right. Straight after this, or shortly after, they could become consumed with anger.
Their ability to behave in a rational manner is then going to disappear, with them coming across as though they have absolutely no-self control. One minute they can be clam and then next minute they can explode.
One Angle
One way of looking at this would be to say that this shows that they are somewhat of a perfectionist. Out of their need to get everything right and to do their best, it is a real shock to their system when something isn't in alignment with their high standards.
Not meeting their high standards then causes them to feel angry about how they have fallen short. If this is the case, it will be vital for them to realise that it is not possible for them to get everything right.
Anger Management
But, regardless of whether one can relate to this or not, they may be told that they need to learn how to manage their anger. Thus, in the same way that someone who is overweight will need to manage their hunger pangs, one will need to regain control of their anger.
One could then end up going down the behavioural therapy route, focusing on the thoughts that they have before they get angry. By no longer getting caught up in these thoughts and breathing deeply, for instance, their behaviour may gradually change.
A Band-Aid
However, while this person's anger could be seen as the real problem, it could be said that their anger is just a defence. What they may find, that's if they were to put their anger to one side, is that they feel worthless and helpless, amongst other things.
Therefore, if they no longer felt worthless deep down, they would no longer need to use this defence. With this in mind, focusing purely on their anger is not going to resolve the real issue - the only thing it will do is manage a symptom.
A Closer Look
When one is out of touch with how they feel at a deeper level, and is only aware of how they feel at a surface level, they can create the impression that they don't want to feel worthless. This is then why they are getting angry when something doesn't go as expected or when they do something wrong, for instance.
Even so, although they are consciously trying to resist how they feel deep down by getting angry, they are unconsciously attached to feeling worthless. So, if one is only aware of what is going on at the first level, they can deceive themselves into believing that they are not attached to what is taking place deep down.
A Big Part of Them
At a deeper level, feeling worthless and helpless, amongst other things, will be what is familiar and, therefore, what feels safe. Feeling this way will be a big part of their identity.
If they were not emotionally attached to feeling this way, they would have no reason to get so worked up. Getting angry can be seen as a sign that they don't want to feel bad, when in reality; it is a sign that this is what feels comfortable.
Self-Knowledge
What this illustrates is that there is what is taking place consciously and what is taking place at a deeper level (or unconsciously), and, without this understanding, it can create all kinds of difficulties. There is a strong chance that they felt worthless and helpless during their early years, and that this gradually become what felt comfortable as time went by.
But as the years passed, they would have ended up losing touch with what took place. Different defences would have built up over the years, disconnecting them from themselves in the process.
Awareness
If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
Teacher, prolific writer, author, and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over one thousand nine hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/10037336
Wednesday, 28 November 2018
Victim Mentality: Are Some People Addicted To Feeling Like A Victim?
By Oliver JR Cooper
If someone sees themselves as an empowered human being, it means that they won't have a victim mentality. Likewise, if someone has a victim mentality, they won't see themselves as an empowered human being.
What this illustrates is that one can't be both; they are either one or the other. At the same time, even if one does see themselves as an empowered human being, it doesn't mean that they won't feel like a victim from time to time.
Back On Track
For example, something could take place in their life that wipes them out, with them feeling as though the world is against them. Still, it might not be long until they come to their senses and realise that this is not the case.
One could see this as just their mind playing tricks on them, and, as they are feeling a bit under the weather, it will have been easier for their mind to exert its influence. Like an intruder, it will have noticed an opening and pounced.
A Choice
Generally, they are going to believe that they are someone who has control over their life. There will be what they can do and there will be how they can respond to what happens to them.
In other words, even if one can't do anything to change something, they still have control over what takes place in their own head. This will stop them from getting sucked into things that are out of their control.
Emotional Experience
One may find that they have the tendency to feel not only empowered, but to also feel capable, at peace, connected, and grateful. Being thankful for what they have, as opposed to getting worked up about what they don't have or what is not going their way, will undoubtedly have a positive effect on their wellbeing.
It will also be a lot easier for other people to be around them; whereas if they had an entitlement mentality, it would be a different story. Their energy will be far more appealing to others as a result.
A Fulfilling Existence
Another benefit of living in this way is that one is going to have the right mentality to meet their needs and to achieve their goals. When it comes to their career, for instance, they may be doing something that is deeply rewarding.
This area of their like could be backed up by the relationships that they have with other people, with them having a number of people in their life who they can be themselves around. They may also be in intimate relationship with someone who they appreciate, or have been with someone like this not too long ago.
Another Reality
So, when someone has a victim mentality, it is not going to be possible for them to feel like an empowered human being. Or, if they do end up feeling empowered, it won't be long until they return to how they usually feel.
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In their eyes, the world, along with most of people in it, will be out to hold them back in any way that they can. As a result of this, there are likely to be a number of negative feelings that they are used to experiencing.
Emotional Experience
At times, they may feel angry, frustrated and full of rage, while at other times, they could feel powerless, helpless, and hopeless. When they feel angry and even rageful, they will most likely feel strong but, when they feel helpless, they will most likely feel weak.
There may even be times when they feel as though they are morally superior to others; as unlike others, they are not keeping anyone down in life. This might be the only way that they are able to experience positive feelings.
Held Back
Due to feeling as though they are being kept down by others, they could have an entitlement mentality. They are not going to be able to fulfil their needs and to achieve their goals because of these people, so these people will have a duty to give them things.
After all, it won't be as if one is choosing to experience life in this way; it is something that is out of their hands. And, what will prove this is how angry they are about how they are experiencing life.
Clear Resistance
If they were comfortable with what is taking place, and happy with not being able to fulfil their needs, they wouldn't be getting angry. However, even though part of them doesn't want to experience life in this way, it doesn't mean that a bigger part of them wants their life to change.
What they may find is that experiencing life in this way is what feels comfortable at a deeper level. Consciously, then, one will want their life to change but, unconsciously, this can be what feels safe.
A Closer Look
It might be hard for them to comprehend how feeling powerless and helpless, for instance, can feel safe; especially as its causing them lead a miserable existence and to experience so much pain. The thing about their ego is that it can end up feeling comfortable with anything; the only thing that matters is that it is familiar.
To this part of them, what is familiar is associated as what is safe, and, the reason why experiencing these feelings can be what feels safe, can be due to what took place at the beginning of their life. This may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected, setting them up to gradually become emotionally attached to feeling this way.
Awareness
When one doesn't understand how what is taking place at a deeper level is influencing their life, it will be normal for them to feel like a victim. It will appear as though other people are victimising them, even though they are the ones who are victimising themselves.
If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by a therapist or healer.
Teacher, prolific writer, author, and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over one thousand nine hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/10038995
Tuesday, 13 November 2018
Monday, 5 November 2018
Sunday, 4 November 2018
Friday, 2 November 2018
Starting Over - It Only Gets Better!
At the age of 38 I left the only career I had ever known to start over. Like many people I was looking for a better standard of living for both myself and my family. I had invested over 20 years in a military career and was at the top of my chosen field -- for which I received about $40,000 a year. Although the thought of starting over when I was almost 40 was daunting, I set a goal to make $100,000 a year within five years, hung up my guns, and ventured into civilian life. That was 20 years ago. I hit my goal of $100,000 a year in less than three years and went on to become a corporate director with a salary of over $200,000 a year in just over 10 years. But that's a story for another time. This article is about starting over.
In the past 20 years I have learned that there really is no starting over in life. We torture ourselves with self-depreciating thoughts that we have failed, wasted x number of years, or squandered our youth climbing the wrong mountain. When, in reality, we have gained new viewpoints, new skills, and new energetic patterns. You see, you can't start over because every day when the sun rises, you start from where you are and where you are changes with every life experience. I'm sure you've heard people say "if I could only go back to when I was 17 and do it again, things would be different!" But, as we know, we can't! It's the same with thinking you have to start over; it's not only a misperception, it's impossible! There is no regression - life moves forward!
If you have saved your money for the past 20 years to buy a house and then you change your mind and decide to buy a boat, do you tell yourself that you are starting over? No! You are simply redirecting your investment toward a new goal. It's the same with life. If you have invested the past 20 years running a log mill and now you want to sell real estate, do you tell yourself that you are starting over? Yes, most people do, and that's the flawed premise! The energetic truth is that you are simply redirecting your investment toward a new goal. In those 20 years running the log mill you learned supply & demand, interpersonal communications, finance, planning, and a host of other things. You also developed your intuition, learned the value of integrity, made friends, fell in love, walked your dog, and marveled at nature. All of those things changed who you are both intellectually and spiritually. Given all those millions of events, experiences, and feelings, you could not go back to who you were 20 years ago and start over if your life depended on it! As Dr. Wayne Dyer was famous for saying "if you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." You did not spend 20 years, you invested 20 years. You are not starting over, you are redirecting your investment toward a new goal.
And one more thing (my tribute to Steve Jobs), you are never too old to redirect your investment toward a new goal. I'm 58 and planning to redirect my investments from the past 40 years into a new goal. I'll check back in with you in 2038 and let you know how it went!
David T Lang
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/10004984
In the past 20 years I have learned that there really is no starting over in life. We torture ourselves with self-depreciating thoughts that we have failed, wasted x number of years, or squandered our youth climbing the wrong mountain. When, in reality, we have gained new viewpoints, new skills, and new energetic patterns. You see, you can't start over because every day when the sun rises, you start from where you are and where you are changes with every life experience. I'm sure you've heard people say "if I could only go back to when I was 17 and do it again, things would be different!" But, as we know, we can't! It's the same with thinking you have to start over; it's not only a misperception, it's impossible! There is no regression - life moves forward!
If you have saved your money for the past 20 years to buy a house and then you change your mind and decide to buy a boat, do you tell yourself that you are starting over? No! You are simply redirecting your investment toward a new goal. It's the same with life. If you have invested the past 20 years running a log mill and now you want to sell real estate, do you tell yourself that you are starting over? Yes, most people do, and that's the flawed premise! The energetic truth is that you are simply redirecting your investment toward a new goal. In those 20 years running the log mill you learned supply & demand, interpersonal communications, finance, planning, and a host of other things. You also developed your intuition, learned the value of integrity, made friends, fell in love, walked your dog, and marveled at nature. All of those things changed who you are both intellectually and spiritually. Given all those millions of events, experiences, and feelings, you could not go back to who you were 20 years ago and start over if your life depended on it! As Dr. Wayne Dyer was famous for saying "if you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." You did not spend 20 years, you invested 20 years. You are not starting over, you are redirecting your investment toward a new goal.
And one more thing (my tribute to Steve Jobs), you are never too old to redirect your investment toward a new goal. I'm 58 and planning to redirect my investments from the past 40 years into a new goal. I'll check back in with you in 2038 and let you know how it went!
David T Lang
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/10004984
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